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justlikethat posted 3/14/2014 22:17 PM

When I met my husband online he lied. Told me a fake name and said he was single when he was married and had kids. We were "friends" for a few years and he kept this lie going the entire time. Eventually he told me his real name and about his real life. He said after a decade of marraige he and his wife had mutually strayed but stayed married for the kids. I was disgusted and I didn't speak to him for months but then missed him. I felt like he was the only person I knew, ever, that I really connected with(what does that say about me, right?). One day he called me and said he had gotten divorced, I made him show me the paperwork to prove it. He told me he didn't get divorced because of me, but that he had been in love with me since the day we met. I told him he didn't have a chance in hell of dating me. He cried, it was the only time I have ever seen him cry. Things changed and we got married a year later and lived full time with our five kids (3 his , 2 mine). I made it clear if he ever did to me what he did to his wife, I would leave him, period, In the back of my mind I always thought he might do to me what he did to his wife because I knew that what he did was ultimately his decision, not her fault. But, every single day until DDAY he called me , texted me, and showered me with affection. Sometimes to the point that I felt smothered. Everyone I knew told me I had the most amazing husband, he'd send me flowers, take me on trips, really, just gave me the world. I was so happy. 6 months ago, (after 2.5 years of marriage)I learned that he had visited a coffee stand after dropping me off at the airport and asked out some barista (who turned him down). I found her number in his car and called it. She told me everything, said he had been "harassing" her for 6 months. We were on vacation when I found out and we talked for days. He never admitted anything until he knew he was caught, and he claimed it was a misunderstanding. I didn't believe him. I asked over and over if there was any more I should know. He said no. Then I forgave him. II told him, if anything like this happened againg, I was done, and I told him I didn't care if he had sex with her or not. Cheating is cheating even if it iisn't sexual.
I started getting suspicious due to the typical "cheater" signs he was exhibiting recently. I confronted him, and when I did he told me to go through his emails, facebook etc (i know the passwords) so I did. I found a receipt from one year ago. He sent a woman on the other side of the country flowers and told her she was special. He signed the card with a fake name. When i confronted him, he eventually admitted to chatting with her and other women on a website where women chat in exchange for donations toward breast implants. I remembered he told me he was on this site when he was married to his x. I have also seen popups for this site and a facebook message to a woman asking if she ever got her implants. about 2 wks before we married. I told him it was over. His first response was, "can we talk about this?" after I said no, his next response was ok, I will call a realtor to list the house. ...and so we did. For days we have been estranged. He acts like he doesn't know me and he never even cared. No apology, no tears. He doesn't even seem sad. I haven't been able to eat for days. He goes to the gym, makes his meals, struts around the nothing is wrong. I am absolutely heartbroken and it seems like this makes him proud. I DONT GET IT!!! WAS IT ALL A LIE? WHAT IS GOING ON? I feel like I never knew him, he is a complete stranger. Maybe he is? Is this a mental illness? WHAT. THE. HELL....!!?????

aero1122 posted 3/14/2014 22:52 PM

I am so sorry you are here and dealing with this. I am 3 months from d-day ( my WH had a physical affair that lasted a month) and the best advice I got was to take care of yourself. Try to eat and drink water. Sleep when you can.
Know this is not your fault! And all your feelings are legitimate. It will be a rollercoaster for you for awhile. I am still on mine but it does get better.
Know that you don't need to make any decision right away. Read the healing library. It has some great articles and advice from much more experienced people than me.

Do you have anyone to support you?
Know you are not alone. We have all been where you are.


[This message edited by aero1122 at 10:52 PM, March 14th (Friday)]

jo2love posted 3/15/2014 09:16 AM

Please use the existing thread.

Thank you.

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