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What to do once the dust settles

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PhoenixAlight posted 3/15/2014 03:04 AM

Although DDay was back on Jan 7th, I found my husbands work cell phone this evening with text messages to the OW. There were a lot of I love yous, hearts and scheduling times to meet.

I told the kids to go to their rooms and told him it was over. Took all his clothes in garbage bags and put them in his car, gave him my wedding dress and wedding ring as well. He stuck around for several hours looking morose and giving me excuses but I just told him, "I don't care anymore. It doesn't matter. We are done. I am done." I finally got him to leave.

After lots TT since DDay I pushed him to let me know anything else since it doesn't matter at this point. He revealed to me that he had not just been talking(no surprise thanx to SI.com) and has been having sex about 2 x per week since he told me about the affair. Oh, and last but not least, he has been getting massages with a happy endings before the A for the past 5 years.

I told him I will be filing on monday and that I would be transferring 50% of our money to my account so it's not a surprise. Did it as soon as he left the house tonight.

I also spoke with a close friend of his that is a manager where he works to verify what his company policy is toward dating in the work place. This was all with my WS present. No problem if it is not a manager subordinate relationship. I sent an email and BCCed my WS's manager, HR, the AP and my husband that he is having an affair.

Monday I plan to file if I can get in to see the attorney.

I am scared of what is to come but relieved to be off the fence. Glad I finally have a direction. Wondering how I am going to remain strong enough to get through the ordeal of divorce. What should I expect now? Besides the fall out from this evening what happens once the dust settles and we start traveling down the road toward D? He asked for a separation but I remained firm. What's the point? It would just drag on his affair.

wannabenormal posted 3/15/2014 03:13 AM

Now it's dissolving a business. Don't let him know what the next step is; file and let the attorneys handle.

We mediated amicably, so I don't know what a D entails, my XH just wanted out. If yours does not it could get sticky, but there's so much help down in the D/S forum - you'll be ok!

norabird posted 3/15/2014 10:11 AM

I don't know you, but I read this and felt so proud and inspired. Keep to the path you're on. Communicate through your lawyer. Stay strong. Move in this direction as fast as you can--hopefully anger will propel you. There will be a lot of sadness but so much relief in no longer being lied to, no longer having to waste your time on someone who isn't giving you what you know you deserve.

This is really the first step to a better future for you. A long road yes, but you are worth it!

stillhere09 posted 3/15/2014 10:24 AM


You are doing the right thing. Just keep strong. You'll be glad you did. I agree that not letting him know in advance what your moves will be is the best thing. From here on out, let your lawyer handle everything. And be prepared to be treated like the enemy. It happens, even when you think it won't. I just wanted you to know I admire your strength and your firmness in your decisions.

PhoenixAlight posted 3/15/2014 10:26 AM

Norabird thank you for the kind reply. You always have such sage advice and I truly appreciate it. Means the world during these dark times.

FixYou71 posted 3/15/2014 15:28 PM

I just want to chime in and say how sorry I am for what you've been through. You absolutely deserve to be loved and respected and he has failed you immensely. Saying a prayer for you.

Skan posted 3/15/2014 18:14 PM

Use your anger to continue forward, for you and for your children. (((hugs)))

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