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Update to the date- men, please?

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Williesmom posted 3/15/2014 11:47 AM

I had a second date last night. He lived over an hour away, so I invited him for supper, which i shouldn't have done. We've been talking online and on the phone for a while.

I was ok with sleeping with him. However, here is the problem: he assaulted me. He choked me, and kept trying to shove his dick in my ass. I would ask him not to, and tell him that he was hurting me. He would not stop. He would wait until I fell asleep and do it again. I woke up once, and he had his entire hand inside me.

I was afraid to tell him to leave so I toughed it out until this morning.

We apparently had 2 different view of what happened because he texted me a thank you this morning. I immediately texted back that he hurt me and I didn't want to see him again. He is text bombing me as awe speak.

Guys, am I wrong? If a woman clearly expresses a boundary ( don't stick anything in my ass), would it surprise you if she got mad?

I am just stunned. This was really bad. Even with a fuck buddy, boundaries were respected.

haysuth01 posted 3/15/2014 11:49 AM


I'm not a man and I don't have any advice, but I just wanna give you a hug.


What a bastard. I am so sorry this happened to you.

norabird posted 3/15/2014 11:50 AM

This is awful. I am so mad at him and upset for you.

Block his number and know that this was not your fault.

Ugh. I am truly sorry. Do not question your boundaries! Of course this was beyond wrong! He is a scumbag!

Next time if god forbid anything like this happens again please tell him to leave. Do it with a phone in your hand and say you will call the police if he does not comply.

I hope you have an IC you can see to discuss this. It will take some healing re trust since you have been violated.

That asshat, ugh!!!

betrayedfriend posted 3/15/2014 11:53 AM

You were raped, please report it to the police. I'm so sorry this happened to you. ((WM))

cayc posted 3/15/2014 11:58 AM

Oh I'm shocked. And yes this is rape. Report it. I'm so so so sorry this happened to you. Please report it as rape and get a restraining order if you can since this guy knows where you live.

cayc posted 3/15/2014 12:01 PM

Oh & he's text bombing you bc he knows it was rape & he's hoping to talk you out of doing anything about it.

I can't hug you enough right now.

Williesmom posted 3/15/2014 12:05 PM

Thanks, all. Just one more embarrassing incident in my life.

I can't stop crying. My bff(who is a guy) emailed me this morning because he knew that this guy was coming.

I told him briefly what happened. He reached out, but I can't even talk about it.

I am losing hope here.

norabird posted 3/15/2014 12:06 PM

Please find someone to talk to about it--BFF sounds like a great option. This is NOT your fault, you don't need to be embarrassed! You did nothing wrong honey.

I'm sorry

Williesmom posted 3/15/2014 12:14 PM

I will talk to BFF about it. We talk about everything.

Just not today.

I got a hot bath, put on my sweats, and I'm just going to stay home and cry. I'm just numb.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 12:14 PM, March 15th (Saturday)]

ProbableIceCream posted 3/15/2014 12:18 PM

Wow. Reading this made me cry. I'm sorry this happened to you.

crazynot posted 3/15/2014 12:25 PM

Police, yes. And your IC. You did nothing to make this happen. He is a bad person... xxx

foxglove posted 3/15/2014 12:32 PM


I'm so sorry. I know you're in shock right now, but I also think you should speak to the police. This is not just a matter of disrespecting your boundaries, you were assaulted by this man.

MovingUpward posted 3/15/2014 12:33 PM


Call the police.

thyme2go posted 3/15/2014 12:38 PM

As a man, all I can say is that this is not normal behavior. No means no regardless of the subject matter. He should not have done any of what he did without your consent.

Report this guy so he can be stopped from doing it again.

I am sorry this happened to you.


cmego posted 3/15/2014 12:40 PM

OMG!!!! ((((((WM))))) OMG.

Please call the police. Please take yourself to the ER to get swabbed. I'm sure you aren't the first person, or the last…that he did this to.

I had a boyfriend in college that thought it was OK to do stuff to me when I was asleep, even after I repeatedly asked him not to. I wish I had been strong enough then to call it rape.

I'm so sorry. You did nothing wrong, even if you tell them you willingly wanted sex…he still raped you.

thyme2go posted 3/15/2014 12:43 PM

Call BFF and have him help you.


LosferWords posted 3/15/2014 12:46 PM

I agree that you should report this guy.

No means no.

What he did to you was wrong, and illegal.

I'm so sorry...


persevere posted 3/15/2014 12:47 PM

Please consider calling the police. And, to cmego's point, ER's often have a nurse available who is trained to work with victims and collect the appropriate evidence. Alternatively, I just PM'd you a link that can help you locate a Rape Crisis Center for support.


FaithFool posted 3/15/2014 12:51 PM

Jeezus WM, I'm speechless. Who does this?

Report him and get a restraining order right away.


h0peless posted 3/15/2014 12:51 PM

That's a sexual assault. Please call the police.

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