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Help!!! i need help giving crickets

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neverwillhapn2me posted 3/15/2014 13:52 PM

Me and my WW are in home separation. I can not deal with this much longer but can not afford a mortgage plus rent.

Its tough on me I can not spend the time with my children that I want because I am constantly avoiding my WW.

Once my children are in bed I almost leave every night. I went out today to the mall and come home to a note from my WW that reads.

My priorities are the boys, then school, Accommodating my leisure activities is much further down the lot, especially when I do not consider hers.

I am enraged and I am trying not to respond, her needs your were cheating for a year fucking another man, my leisure activities, I supported our family while you were out till 2 am every night for 18 months fucking another man.

I want to respond SOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad please talk me out of it PLEASE.

NoMorDeceit posted 3/15/2014 14:01 PM

Awwww Whaaaaa...what a bitch!

She's mad because she has to stay home with the kids or what??

I'd be tempted to point out that once the divorce is final, this will be her new -every- day reality, except for when it is your time with the kids...so suck it up princess!

I understand that just engages the crazy so better to just ignore.

Nature_Girl posted 3/15/2014 14:01 PM

Don't respond to the emotional message you think she's sending.

This may be something as simple as the fact that you leaving the house every night once the kids are in bed actually is a bit unfair. The two of you should probably work out a schedule where you each have an equal share of responsibility for the kids. One week on kid duty, one week off? Every other night? Whoever is "on" has to fully deal with the children, including homework, taxi service, meals, and bedtime.

Will you be sharing custody when you finally do separate? If so, then this is the time to start working it out.

neverwillhapn2me posted 3/15/2014 14:05 PM

I realize me leaving every night may seem unfair but I truly am just trying to keep myself from going crazy, she has no remorse and thinks I should go on as nothing has happened and for the most part thatnks to the 180 that how I have acted. I think im doing such a great job of the 180 that she thinks I never cared to begin with , yet inside im crying going crazy and just want ot scream

neverwillhapn2me posted 3/15/2014 14:07 PM

DD was De,18 , I need out I just want to sell this house and settle everything, although I may hold back from writing anything once she comes home I can t promise I will not blast her

Nature_Girl posted 3/15/2014 14:11 PM

Why are you doing in-house?

neverwillhapn2me posted 3/15/2014 14:13 PM

my ww is on mat leave and only works part time,i pay for most of the bills and can not afford the mortgage plus renting

Gemini71 posted 3/15/2014 14:41 PM

She want's some time out? Fine. Propose a schedule. I'm assuming you'd be fine at home as long as WW is not there? Perhaps something along the lines of the following.

"Dear WW,
We are doing 'in-home separation' for a reason, so I have been living as if we are separated. I would like to care for the children on X,Y, and Z days. That would leave A, B, and C for you. We can alternate Ds. I will respect your space and leave on A, B, C, and alternating Ds when I am not needed. I ask that you do the same. That way we can each accommodate our own leisure activities on our off days.
Sincerely, neverwillhapn2me"

Maybe add, "If you do not respect my space/time with the children, I will leave the house for my own emotional well-being."

ETA
Stating the obvious, that her A was a selfish act, will be pointless at this time. Don't let emotions come into play, it will set you back on your healing. Treat it like a business negotiation, and you'll be much better off.

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 2:47 PM, March 15th (Saturday)]

Chrysalis123 posted 3/15/2014 14:50 PM

Crickets: Only respond to questions about kids and finances.

I like Gemini's idea because she is asking about kids, even though she did not ask a question. Leave out the fact she made a dig at you, and don;t mention the affair.

From now on all communication should be email and pretend a judge will read every message. You want to appear to be the reasonable one always thinking about the children's best interest. No emotion....business-like. you are creating a paper trail

Leia posted 3/15/2014 15:20 PM

I, too am in in-house S. I'm in legal limbo. I can't legally leave, so that is where this advice is coming from.

Crickets!!! Then document absolutely everything!

This sucks, but it will end. Keep breathing.

Bluebird26 posted 3/15/2014 22:26 PM

Get a schedule immediately.

I understand why you are leaving but would leaving every night not look bad for you if you have to go to court for custody?

Do you have any family that you could stay with when she is on her time with your children and vice versa?

What are the long term plans because clearly you can't do this inhouse separation forever. Time to get you ducks in a row financially and emotionally.

Are you planning on 50/50 custody arrangement or EOW or something else?

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