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Newest Member: bob74 (46035)

User Topic: Help!!! i need help giving crickets
neverwillhapn2me
♂ 41912
Member # 41912
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me and my WW are in home separation. I can not deal with this much longer but can not afford a mortgage plus rent.

Its tough on me I can not spend the time with my children that I want because I am constantly avoiding my WW.

Once my children are in bed I almost leave every night. I went out today to the mall and come home to a note from my WW that reads.

My priorities are the boys, then school, Accommodating my leisure activities is much further down the lot, especially when I do not consider hers.

I am enraged and I am trying not to respond, her needs your were cheating for a year fucking another man, my leisure activities, I supported our family while you were out till 2 am every night for 18 months fucking another man.

I want to respond SOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad please talk me out of it PLEASE.


The saddest thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies


If your searching for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Ontario
NoMorDeceit
♀ 23547
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awwww Whaaaaa...what a bitch!

She's mad because she has to stay home with the kids or what??

I'd be tempted to point out that once the divorce is final, this will be her new -every- day reality, except for when it is your time with the kids...so suck it up princess!

I understand that just engages the crazy so better to just ignore.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 607 | Registered: Apr 2009
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't respond to the emotional message you think she's sending.

This may be something as simple as the fact that you leaving the house every night once the kids are in bed actually is a bit unfair. The two of you should probably work out a schedule where you each have an equal share of responsibility for the kids. One week on kid duty, one week off? Every other night? Whoever is "on" has to fully deal with the children, including homework, taxi service, meals, and bedtime.

Will you be sharing custody when you finally do separate? If so, then this is the time to start working it out.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10150 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
neverwillhapn2me
♂ 41912
Member # 41912
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realize me leaving every night may seem unfair but I truly am just trying to keep myself from going crazy, she has no remorse and thinks I should go on as nothing has happened and for the most part thatnks to the 180 that how I have acted. I think im doing such a great job of the 180 that she thinks I never cared to begin with , yet inside im crying going crazy and just want ot scream


The saddest thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies


If your searching for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Ontario
neverwillhapn2me
♂ 41912
Member # 41912
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD was De,18 , I need out I just want to sell this house and settle everything, although I may hold back from writing anything once she comes home I can t promise I will not blast her


The saddest thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies


If your searching for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Ontario
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why are you doing in-house?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10150 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
neverwillhapn2me
♂ 41912
Member # 41912
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my ww is on mat leave and only works part time,i pay for most of the bills and can not afford the mortgage plus renting


The saddest thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies


If your searching for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Ontario
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She want's some time out? Fine. Propose a schedule. I'm assuming you'd be fine at home as long as WW is not there? Perhaps something along the lines of the following.

"Dear WW,
We are doing 'in-home separation' for a reason, so I have been living as if we are separated. I would like to care for the children on X,Y, and Z days. That would leave A, B, and C for you. We can alternate Ds. I will respect your space and leave on A, B, C, and alternating Ds when I am not needed. I ask that you do the same. That way we can each accommodate our own leisure activities on our off days.
Sincerely, neverwillhapn2me"

Maybe add, "If you do not respect my space/time with the children, I will leave the house for my own emotional well-being."

ETA
Stating the obvious, that her A was a selfish act, will be pointless at this time. Don't let emotions come into play, it will set you back on your healing. Treat it like a business negotiation, and you'll be much better off.

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 2:47 PM, March 15th (Saturday)]


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2092 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crickets: Only respond to questions about kids and finances.

I like Gemini's idea because she is asking about kids, even though she did not ask a question. Leave out the fact she made a dig at you, and don;t mention the affair.

From now on all communication should be email and pretend a judge will read every message. You want to appear to be the reasonable one always thinking about the children's best interest. No emotion....business-like. you are creating a paper trail


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2819 | Registered: Jan 2010
Leia
♀ 42510
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I, too am in in-house S. I'm in legal limbo. I can't legally leave, so that is where this advice is coming from.

Crickets!!! Then document absolutely everything!

This sucks, but it will end. Keep breathing.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Bluebird26
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get a schedule immediately.

I understand why you are leaving but would leaving every night not look bad for you if you have to go to court for custody?

Do you have any family that you could stay with when she is on her time with your children and vice versa?

What are the long term plans because clearly you can't do this inhouse separation forever. Time to get you ducks in a row financially and emotionally.

Are you planning on 50/50 custody arrangement or EOW or something else?


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1408 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 11

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