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Newest Member: Dquacook1973 (60713)

User Topic: How much is one to take?
♀ 42729
Member # 42729
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband and I have been together for about 8 years. Married for 2 years. When we first started dating, I caught him sexting another woman. He said he wasn't thinking of it as cheating and he wouldn't do it again. A year or so later, I find naked pics that he had exchanged with another woman. He again apologized and said things just went too far. A while later, found more, he apologized again. I won't do it again. I then more with an ex-girlfriend while I was pregnant. I didn't find those until over a year after they exchanged them. New Years found out that he was having an affair with a coworker and exchanging pics with a girl he says he met on a word game. While going through his email over last week, I find videos he made of himself that he had sent to the girl from the word game. The videos were sent before I found everything out but come on videos from our couch and our bed. He even had his wedding band visible. Pictures are one thing and videos are another. He thinks that the videos shouldn't matter since they and the pictures were all sent to the same girl.

Note: He has not told me of any of this. This is just everything that I have found on my own. He has never confessed his wrongs to me.

I keep asking myself how much am I supposed to take?

Posts: 11 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Ohio
♀ 42039
Member # 42039
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry (((Broken))),
You should not have to take ANY of it!! Please don't let this slide one more time. He is the broken one and will not change unless there is a reason. Give him that reason,be willing to walk out.
Please seek individual counseling for yourself to become stronger. My husband acted out in other ways and I regret that it took me 24 years and an affair to realize I was worth more.

Me: BS, 46
Him: SAWH, 48
Married 25 yrs
4 daughters, 9-21 yrs
D-days:Too many to list. 1st July 10, 2013

Your character is what you do when you think no one is watching.

Posts: 168 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's done when you say 'done'.

What are you waiting for?

He has shown you repeatedly who he is.

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How much are you supposed to take? None of it, actually. You're married to someone who has shown you that he is a serial cheater. He's shown you that repeatedly. He's shown you who he is please, open your eyes and really SEE him. And think about if this is the way you want to live the next 2 years, the next 4 years, if dealing with his affairs and lying is something that you want to do while you have children.

And if you want to have to go to your doctor on a yearly basis to have a full STD/HIV panel drawn because he will, eventually, have sex with someone, if he hasn't already, and your health will then be at risk. (((hugs))) I'm so sorry.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 9765 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry that you are dealing with this. It is painful to find out this stuff and he will not be giving you any info willingly. This site is great. Read the info in the Healing Library and then get tough with him. 180 if you have to. Dont let him blame you, don't let him continue to minimize what he has done. Also, investigate more, more, more. Take his cell phone for a few days without giving him any warning. Good luck and stay strong!

BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
♀ 38790
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He again apologized and said things just went too far.

Talking and texting with another woman is too far on its own. The pics are the next phase of EA. EA are the worse. Educate him and yourself about those. Then get the book, "Not Just Friends."

Sorry, he has been cheating the whole time of your marriage. He has no boundaries or cares. Especially if you have put up with pics.

First EA texting, then pics, now videos, EA sex, ...

Where is your boundary? Is it only cheating if it is physical sex in your opinion? If you don't set boundaries and the consequences...then he will continue to see what he can get away with.

Me-BW 42
WH-42 zugzwang
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 1830 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
♀ 38903
Member # 38903
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you find yourself here. However, it is the best place to find advice and support. The others have given you great advice. I too found out that my husband of five years has been doing the online cyber stuff pretty much the whole time we've been together. Going on ten year and has quit cold turkey last April.

My advice would be to gather as much information as you can. I installed a key logger on his lap top. And when/if you decide to confront don't show him all your card. Don't tell him if you install the key logger keep it as a tool to see if you can trust him if you decide to R.

Make sure you take care of yourself, eat,sleep, stay hydrated.

As for how much your supposed to take, if he isn't willing to stop then that's something you need to decide if you can live with. Personally if I found my H still doing stuff I would leave. I refuse to compete with a bunch of bitches that have nothing better to do. Cheating is cheating whether its physical, emotional, or cyber.

Also look under I can relate there's a cyber/online affair thread that many have posted on.


Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 42729
Member # 42729
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has now had an affair. He was meeting up with a coworker after work for months. I found out on New Years. He tells me that he has ended it. I have been going through his texts and emails for the last week. I find myself thinking that he is just hiding it else where or has a different phone. I do not trust my husband at all.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Ohio
♀ 16394
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know you can't trust him. You know he lies and is a serial cheater. It ends when you end it. He isn't going to change. You confront, he tells you sorry, I will stop and then you catch him again. He has had no consequences, while you are devastated over and over.

He doesn't want to stop, perhaps he can't stop. He just wants you to stop catching him. What is wrong with this picture?

How much more do you WANT to take?

BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time." Bionical girl

Posts: 3163 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 9

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