SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

scarednbroken posted 3/15/2014 15:22 PM

Ok.... Breathe.

He's been seeing her for a few years. She sent a "gift" if placemats which I exciled to the camper. I knew her first name. She works across the street. They sat across the basketball court and ogled each other when DS 13 and her son was playing his heart out. I found out her sons name from then opposing team roster. I tried looking her up on FB with his last name... I know she has one.

She's been sending nude pics (no face just waist down) for the last week. They are planning on consummating this week.

Today he brings a find raising form home with her name on it - including last name. (It is different than her kids) How frogging BOLD???

I'm shaking

I'm livid!!

He even says "k....,. Owes money yet for her order. She tried to come see me at the barn and I wasn't there. "

Yeah right. You two probly got distracted.

It is all I can do not to look her up and start freakish on her. Get her BS on the phone.

But that would ruin my plans this week. So I just sit here. Shaking.

Here's another twist - another of his COW has one of the order forms. Dammit if my DD15 didn't need the orders.....

Ok. Gonna go dunk my head in ice water before I overheat.

Skan posted 3/15/2014 15:49 PM

(((hugs))) So, what's your plan? I sincerely hope it involves outing him and the multiple OW, as well as booting him out of the house!

SadInNC posted 3/15/2014 19:28 PM

Hi. I read your proile story. I don't know how you have been able to stay with him for all these years.

Please, go see an attorney. Please, stop letting him treat you like this.

The slutty OW sending naked pics of herself to your WH and then putting an order in for your DD fundraiser? Ewwww. Just, Ewwww. Rip up her check and cross her name off the order sheet. Give her BS the ripped up check along with a print out of her naked pics.

Is this your plan for the week? I hope....

scarednbroken posted 3/15/2014 23:02 PM

Skan-
My plan is to confront him at work next week with about a six page spread sheet of all the women the has connected with. Including email addys and phone numbers, street addy if I know. At the bottom of this is a list of websites he frequents that are of unsavory reputation.

I will also have his large bag packed with clothes, toiletries, etc to hand him.

Along with my demand that he grant me a civil divorce in exchange for me NOT totally trashing his reputation. Civil meaning he will not say it is my fault. It is he who screwed up. If he does slander me - gloves are off.

Part two: contacting a mutual friend of ours (who is WH employee) that I know he would like to screw. She is married. Warning her that proving a place to stay will kill her M and to be careful.

Part three: contacting the main AP mentioned above and telling her that I am not against filing an "alienation of affection" suit. It would be nice of her to encourage WH to play nice with me. Even if I don't win she loses. Her BS would not be happy to see the hundreds of txt and the pics she has sent.

My DS17 knows most of my plan. He will be bringing my other kids home. Locking doors. If I'm not home or checking in by a certain time. He will be calling police.

I know it's crazy but I have to act. His behavior is getting worse. And he is vERY pissed that it has been three months since we have had sex. I tested clean and I want to stay that way. That means no sex with him.

SadinNC
I put up with it bc he was good to the kids. I was also afraid for my step daughter. She would be stuck with him or her birth mom. Neither was a good option. And I was scared. Since then I have realized the kids resent his self centered behavior.

I have seen a L. She had no good news for me. I have very little money for a retainer. So I have to go at this assbackwards. He has to be "agreeable" so I can file a no fault D and get what I want out of him.

jackie89 posted 3/16/2014 06:17 AM

((((Scarednbroken))))

I admire your strength, and your plan,I think you are a brave woman, gathering all that information, AND not loosing it with him.... the only thing that I would probably think over is confronting him at work.
I'm not thinking of him,thinking of you, because if it turns into this big fiasco, you'll come across to everyone else as the CRAZY WIFE. But since I don't know the work situation, I could be wrong.

Could you confront him in a more private setting? A family or friends home, or doing it at home and have the kids out of the house for the night?

cantgetup posted 3/16/2014 06:29 AM

A good start. I hope your plans are more detailed than this. Because there is so much you haven't accounted and planned for.

scarednbroken posted 3/16/2014 06:37 AM

He works in an office separate from everyone else. So no crazy wife. Home and privacy would be bad for me. We have weapons at home. I could end up the dead crazy wife.

What other details?

SadInNC posted 3/16/2014 09:03 AM

(((scarednbroken)))

stay strong

be safe

i will be thinking of you

momentintime posted 3/16/2014 13:01 PM

Remove the guns from your home ASAP. You have a plan, regardless if he is willing to be civil, D him. He has a history, a pattern of deceit and a total lack of respect. Good for you for looking to your future.

SadInNC posted 3/16/2014 14:51 PM

Yes, remove all weapons from the home after he leaves for work tomorrow! Please take every precaution for your safety. If you think it is possible that he could turn violent after you "out" him and tell him you want a D, think about an alternate place for you and the kids to stay for a while. OR, have a friend or family member stay at your house with you and your kids, so that you are never alone with him.

My DS17 knows most of my plan. He will be bringing my other kids home. Locking doors. If I'm not home or checking in by a certain time. He will be calling police.

This comment shows that you are very scared, and only you know your WH true behaviour. I want to urge you to bring someone with you when you do this. Bring a friend. Just another adult. Why take a chance that you could be hurt or murdered by this man who has lied and cheated and crapped all over your marriage? Don't leave your kids alone and vulnerable and waiting to hear from you. Have an adult with them, too.

Sorry if I sound paranoid but I am taking your comments seriously. I care.

scarednbroken posted 3/16/2014 18:24 PM

I am scared. I have no idea his reaction. BUT the kids and I are on our own. Unfortunately there is no where for us to go. And no one willing to help. Actually no one will even believe he is who I say he is without proof. I have it. But I think he is smart enough to want to save his reputation. I also think it best that most of this stays quiet if at all possible so he can keep his job.

Idk if he is willing to hurting us. But I know he is capable. All weapons are currently in a locked safe. If he wants near the house then he has to turn in his key.

I was thinking maybe I could have him meet me at the police station.... They have a private meeting room. Maybe they would be willing to assure my safety? Idk.... It's not their job to get involved in domestic battles unless someone is hurt.

I am worried about kids at home for sprig break while I'm at work. DS17 (he's actually 18 now just had birthday) has
Class in the morning too....

I HATE having to put it off.... Maybe Friday would be best. Then I am home with kids. He will have all weekend to cool off.

I just feel so trapped with him. So helpless bc there's NO HELP for me here. This is why it has taken me so many years. No matter what I do - someone gets hurt. Or could get hurt.

scarednbroken posted 3/16/2014 20:15 PM

Yet another blow - another of his COW is training at the beauty school. She is coming to his work over spring break to give him a "haircut" for free but e feels he should pay her something... Omfg. What? Oral? Damn. My money pay her to run her frigging hands through my ass WH hair...

I said no. Go to regular barber. He said why? I said H... charges too much. He says I didn't tell you what I was paying. I said I know....

I'm so desperate to get out of this hurt. I almost just told him then. If SHE touches your head - either one - don't bother coming home.

A little history - this COW was one I caught him texting last year. Confronted him. He said - she's just a driver. Fighting with her H. Her kids go to our kids school. And I was supposed to be ok with him telling her that he thought she was pretty??????? Oh f- me.

I just want this over.

cantgetup posted 3/16/2014 21:18 PM

I hope it's just that you arent giving details here out of a need to brief in your posts. If not, again, you have too many holes in your plan for what appears to have the potential to be a very volatile situation. It appears you are over simplifying things and have not done enough to protect yourself, your kids, your home, your finances, your safety and your future in general. Take more time it you need it.

ChinaCat posted 3/16/2014 21:24 PM

Please be careful. Safety first. Don't ever underestimate a person who does not have your best interests in mind. Get any and all possible weapons/etc out of the house.

Holly-Isis posted 3/16/2014 21:32 PM

Have you contacted a local battered women's shelter?

Even if they can't help you, they can give you tips for an escape plan.

Go to church? Have a friend that goes to church? Get help from a pastor.

You're not alone.

Wodnships posted 3/16/2014 21:42 PM

First off I'm really sorry you have a need for this site.

I'm still a bit of a wreck, and havn't felt like I had anything to offer someone else, but I'm very concerned for you.

First before you do anything, it's a good idea to contact a battered woman's shelter or a services that helps battered woman. If he's been violent before and as unrepentant as you say you have every reason to suspect he might be dangerous.

There are places out there that exist to help woman who might be in danger to get out safely. Use them.

Along with my demand that he grant me a civil divorce in exchange for me NOT totally trashing his reputation.

Be careful with this. Depending on your state laws this could constitute black mail. Don't give him anything he can use.

scarednbroken posted 3/17/2014 00:13 AM

No one here gets my hell. I see that.

A shelter will see my husband is a war vet and say he needs help. He won't get it. He has set himself up as a pillar in our community. There are few that would believe he is beyond reproach. He is everyone's hero. But me.

Financially. I may be a wreak. But no worse than what he is doing to us now.

My goal is for four people to be safe - at least three.

Legally I have no claim to some of the weapons in the house. And those who do would hand them over to him. Already did. But I have a safe with a key. And am having the lock changed before Friday.

I thank you all for your thoughts. I need prayers and all for guidance on my best course.

Edit:typo

[This message edited by scarednbroken at 12:14 AM, March 17th (Monday)]

Flourgirl posted 3/17/2014 01:49 AM

I'm so sorry you are in danger. I really think a shelter could help you. Our MC works at a woman's shelter here in KC. She sees people from all walks of life. My husband was a pillar of the community, taught SOR at our church, was a volunteer in the community. She saw right through him in 1 hour. They see it all and your safety is their only priority. It wouldn't hurt to call one. They might be able to advise you on keeping yourself safe.