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Question about the "honesty" of the OW

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mal2006 posted 3/15/2014 19:08 PM

Did any of you have the OW tell you something that happened during the A that turned out to be untrue?

Tearsoflove posted 3/15/2014 19:21 PM

Yes, several things. All were designed to make the affair look more serious than it was and to hurt me as much as possible. Fortunately, I was able to independently verify and eliminate most of what she told me. The things that were true, my husband admitted to.

Do not look for the OW to act in any interest but her own. She has an agenda, too. She is not your friend and has already proven that.

SadInNC posted 3/15/2014 19:50 PM

She was having sex or an EA or quite possibly both, with your husband. She does not deserve your trust.

Lola88 posted 3/15/2014 19:59 PM

Yes, the just friends crap, then "only silly flirting - I'm embarrassed even saying it" - it was a nine year affair! I could literally kill the bitch for the stupid lies when I discovered the secret phone, her dickhead husband who accused me of "trying to ruin his life" when I outed them.

I'm not excusing any of them. I hate her, her pathetic BS who is still making excuses for her - and most of all - most of the time, my WS.

I will never get past the lies and how easily I accepted them. I will never trust me again.

MinorBee posted 3/15/2014 20:01 PM

Not here, my last OW was honest to a fault 'cause she considered it bragging. It filled her need for drama and her desire to hurt me.

FightingBack posted 3/15/2014 20:02 PM

Do not look for the OW to act in any interest but her own. She has an agenda, too. She is not your friend and has already proven that.



She was having sex or an EA or quite possibly both, with your husband. She does not deserve your trust.


Both these statements are so true. I had two conversations with the OW. She led me to believe that what she said was true. I found out later, after much distress, that the things she told me, while maybe not complete lies, were skewed to create an illusion of the truth. They were not true. These things were what she wanted to believe, or what she wanted me to believe to assert her power.

You must realize that she indeed does have an agenda. I, in my naïveté believed that all she said was the truth. She hurt me all over again even though I thought I was entering into the conversation with the upper hand. Sometimes people lie so much that they actually believe their lies.

Don't give her the opportunity to hurt your more than you already are. Cut her out of your life.

You cannot heal while she still has influence over you. And believe me, she knows this.

Cut her out. Now.

[This message edited by FightingBack at 8:04 PM, March 15th (Saturday)]

Holly-Isis posted 3/15/2014 20:24 PM

Years later, xOw1 admitted they had sex. She also said they used condoms.

Guess what she was lying about?

You would think it had been 7yrs, why lie?

Because any wayward who hasn't gone through recovery, hasn't owned their choices, their issues, their actions...is going to be all about them. Preserving their image.

In this case, not using condoms wasn't rewriting the A to make it more romantic. It was protecting her image. Even nearly a decade later.

That's why I say contact the OP only if you can let go of the outcome. Because odds are you'll be caught in a conflicting web of lies.

In this case, I believed MrH above xOw1. After all, it would've been better for him to say they used condoms.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 8:26 PM, March 15th (Saturday)]

mal2006 posted 3/15/2014 20:40 PM

I haven't communicated with her since the day after DDay when she contacted me. There is just one thing she said that I cannot shake and that was that my H tried to kiss her when she came to get her last paycheck. He says there would have been no "trying" because she wouldn't have stopped him if that were true. I know for a fact there are other things she lied about but that's the one I just can't believe is a lie. I want to believe my H but there have been so many lies leading up to this that I just can't. Clearly OW is a liar but so was my H when he was with her, so who do I believe? I keep "waiting for the other shoe to drop" and find out more crap, but maybe that's just not going to happen and I need to let it go and keep moving forward. Since DDay H has been completely honest with me and he has given me some details that are most definitely worse than trying to kiss someone, so logically there is no reason for him to lie about that still, but what is logical about this whole damn situation in the first place?! In any case, thanks to everyone who replied because it does make me feel a little better. I do feel I am closer to being able to trust him about this.

introspect posted 3/15/2014 23:26 PM

Not to me directly, but OW looves to share the details of the A with our mutual community, and is sooo proud of the fact that allll of her friends commend her for her "honesty." Because of this over sharing, I've learned that she is completely dishonest about a really important timeframe in the A -- a timeframe that makes both her and WH look much worse,but REALLY would paint her in an awful light if people knew about it. Pretty sure she believes that there's no way that FWH would have been that honest with me, so she assumes her secret is safe...

Used to really piss me off, and sometimes still does, but now I generally feel sad for her that she is still seeking external validation and praise for a skewed account of her terrible brush with infidelity. Poor OW....

mal2006 posted 3/15/2014 23:36 PM

Yeah, OW#1 bragged to people that she had called me and "busted out" my H and that we were going to D, like she was sooooo proud that she had played a role in breaking up a marriage. She's so pathetic I don't give any thought to anything she says, and she was a ONS even by her own admission so I feel I know everything there is to know there. OW#2 is the one who said the stuff in my first post and she was EA/PA(but no sex) so I feel there IS maybe something about their sordid "relationship" that I don't know. *sigh*

MrsDoubtfire posted 3/16/2014 01:58 AM

If you can lie down with someone else's husband you can lie about anything really.

In my situation their A was toxic to say the least. OW wouldn't hear from FWH for days sometimes weeks. He treated her like the cheap commodity she was yet she sold me a hearts and flowers and glitter shitting unicorn fantasy!

Most of the embellishments she sold to me were, eventually, proved to be lies or half truths. I stayed in contact with her from DDay up until me and H started to R and I took great pleasure in slapping each fabrication back in her face!

This woman is not your friend. This woman is not on your side. This woman has shown herself to be the polar opposite of a woman's woman by lying down with a MM.

In order to justify their sordid A they both have to lie. To themselves and to each other. She's not going to then start telling the whole truth to you in order to do the decent thing.

Liars lie.

DTERMINED2SURVIV posted 3/16/2014 07:19 AM

OW would tell me things that he did, but not what she did. She wanted to make him look bad and herself look good. One specific is that he told her to stop by our house one day while I was at work. She then said he invited her in but she refused because she "wasnt going to be in another womans house" (i guess thats where her "morals" kicked in lol). I asked my fws about this and he said "yes, I did do that but what she didnt tell you is that she sucked my d--k in the driveway."

Shes one honest woman!!

StorybookGirl42 posted 3/16/2014 08:14 AM

The OW in my situation is someone that we still have to see on a regular basis as she is the mother of my husband's son (from before he and I were a couple and after they broke up, never married).

Anyway, she has EVERY reason to lie though when she was lying to me via text after being told to not contact me she tried the line "I have no reason to lie while he has every reason."

It's bull. She still has this idea she's going to get her Disney happy ending and they are going to live happily ever after: mom, dad, and baby. The only obstacle to her little dream, as she sees it, is me. So if she can get me out of the picture, she thinks she's going to get her way.

Thing is, while the A was so damaging to us, in a way it was also cathartic. He never got full closure from their relationship and during their A, he ended it before I confronted him about it. His reason? The facade she had put up was cracking and he was seeing that she hadn't changed, will never changed, and was able to end everything and feel like they were finally truly done.

So the OW has every reason to lie, in every way she possibly can. I've decided to just believe him and take everything she says (though she stopped after I contacted her therapist and basically said "If she does this again, I am changing every number I have and she will never 'accidentally' get it again." Therapist basically told her, from what I gather in her little rant about it, that she was out of line and to leave any contact with me to necessary things about the child.

mal2006 posted 3/16/2014 15:00 PM

Yeah OW in my situation tried to act that way too, but I know her BH was watching her every move too so of course she has to act like she's not doing anything wrong. When I started asking her more questions via text message she all the sudden wanted to call me instead, probably because her BH would see her text messages but he could not "see" what was said in our phone conversation. She wanted to make it look like my WH initiated everything and she was just an innocent victim. That's ok, though, cuz her BH contacted me after he saw she talked to me and I told him everything about how much of a whore his WW is. My WH didn't even know about her serial cheating ways until I talked to her BH, or about the 3 other guys from their job she was hanging out with when WH wouldn't spend his lunch hour with her. WH was the "smoke break boyfriend" I guess and the other guys were the "lunch break boyfriends". It's so lovely to be almost left for someone who you only spend 30 minutes a day with and is already cheating on you. SMDH.

sodamnlost posted 3/16/2014 15:51 PM

The one OW I know about told me lots of correct info, she never lied to me once. Odd I know but she helped me solve some pieces.

TheBestMe posted 3/16/2014 20:02 PM

"Honesty?" by the nature of being an OW there is no honesty. That pos had posted pictures of my H on FB and her friends commented "such a lovely couple". The two of them had gone to functions together and her daughter was not told the truth when asked why WS would not marry her. He was not free, he IS married and living with his W.

I do not care to hear anything that pos has to say. OW was in the A for what she could get out of it. She was willing to sacrifice me to get it. BTW, she referred to MY HUSBAND as her husband. This beotch is delusional.

whiteflower99 posted 3/16/2014 21:58 PM

I have to confess I manipulated the hell out of the last OW to maneuver her into a position where she would confess. My WS wasn't ever going to admit and like many he had misrepresented me to her and lied about our marriage.
She told me a few things that I believe to be true, but a lot of it was hoping I would "drive" him to her.
That failed.
He dropped her like a used tampon.
Later she would try to give me details about their relationship, intimate details. Those I don't believe. I know what he can and can't do and he ISN'T a ten minute man.
Not that it matters now, but I think the very fact that someone could lie to me for months and act out a charade where she barely tolerated him is very indicative of a lack of integrity.

heforgotme posted 3/17/2014 09:58 AM

I can't think of anything she told me that WAS true. Including the fact that she was "sorry" and knew it was "wrong" as she was still trying to contact him secretly at the same time.

Bridie38 posted 3/17/2014 11:31 AM

Hi, Yes the OW messaged me before she knew my H had confessed and lied through her teeth - they were just friends, I didn't need to worry, she wouldn't do that after her H had dumped her etc. etc. Even after she knew I knew, she was messaging me with 'her side of the story'. Unsure as to who was actually being truthful as they disputed each other's info!! surprise surprise. Begged my forgiveness but then continued to try and contact him by txts!!! Then she has the cheek to say she and her family have no 'trust issues' like I obviously did. I think they both lied to make their own stories right and make them feel better. Suppose it depends on the person at the end of the day,and your gut instinct will probably help you decide who is lying.

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