Nearly 70% of all married men and 60% of married women have had affairs. That’s two out of every three marriages. Every ten to thirteen seconds someone gets divorced. 50% of women and 33% of men remain angry for ten years after a divorce. Women have more trouble starting new relationships than divorced men do. More than 90% of divorces in long-standing marriages involve infidelities some time during the marriage. More than 50% may be involved in a current affair, yet only 25% cite an affair as an actual reason for divorce.
80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.
Over 75% who marry partners in an affair eventually divorce.
The divorce rate and ratio of infidelity are much higher among marriage partners in an affair.
The average affair lasts two to four years. If an affair becomes public it is doomed. If an affair replaces the marriage, it is subject to the same emotional stresses as the marriage but is twice as likely to fracture. An affair prevents binding ties from being formed. Eventually it has nowhere to go. Sooner or later it will suffocate in secrecy. Affairs die for the same reason as marriage, lack of intimacy.
Although we here on SI have heard of plenty of AS that have gone public and then turned into marriages.
Where did you find this list?
I regret my divorce. But there was no way I was going to accept her affair partner as part of our marriage.
As for affairs going public, I have seen way too many that did so with almost no consequences.
She is welcome to her scumbag. The kids and I are doing just fine thank you.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M 3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
What was the representative sampling that the percentage of affairs statistics was based on? 50 people? 100 people? 1000 people?
Also remember that not all divorces are the result of infidelity, and not all infidelity-affected marriages end in divorce.
I understand that you are trying to make sense of your situation, but don't get stuck on generalities.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62 Him: WXH-62 D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI) S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
50 % of statistics are made up :)
I'm not sure about the going public stats or the ones about the affair replacing the marriage. He absolutely replaced our family with her and her kid, and everyone knows. They both replaced their spouses, and are still going strong a year later. As they are both estranged from family and friends, I think they are likely to work harder at their relationship and put up with more crap from each other to justify what they did and because they have no one else to turn to..
I hope to get to indifference one day on whether he is with her or not, but truth is them breaking up would still warm my heart just a tad..
Seventy percent is ridiculously wrong as far as I can tell.
My thought was maybe 80% of WSs who divorced during the affair regretted it, but almost all of the BSs who responded (me included) had no regrets about divorcing!
I think it's really hard to get good info on this -- it's something that people try to hide, plus cheaters are liars anyway, so unlikely they tell the truth when it's about something shameful.
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
People are so diverse, everyone's different, experiences are different, so generalizations are extremely hard to believe or trust in. You never know what other factors come into play to affect the stats..
ButterFlyGirl, I love both of your comments. The indifference will arrive at some point. I am there now. But, I will say, I may break a smile when it comes to an end.
As far as statistics, my WW affair 100% sucked and changed my life 100%. And I am 100% sure that I am not one of the 70% of married men who had an affair. I 99% don't care what happens to them, and 1% would love to see their fluffy-rainbow-colored-unicorn world falter. But, I am 100% moving on to the next charter of my life. I am 75% pissed off the WW had the affair, the OC and all that that came with the situation, and I am the one who has to file, but 25% love the fact I am showing the WW I have the strength to get it done, unlike her.
I am 98% done with this post.
You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact
The only parts I will somewhat agree with are:
A lot of people cheat in their M whether Male or female, whether it results in D or not.
Some people who divorce during an A regret it. 80%, though??? I highly doubt that.
As for the statements made without statistical percentages, I would agree that they often or sometimes apply, but they are stated as fact.
The average affair lasts two to four years.
If an affair becomes public it is doomed.
If an affair replaces the marriage, it is subject to the same emotional stresses as the marriage but is twice as likely to fracture.
An affair prevents binding ties from being formed. Eventually it has nowhere to go. Sooner or later it will suffocate in secrecy.
Affairs die for the same reason as marriage, lack of intimacy.
I know a woman who was having an affair and he left his wife for her. They got married, had a daughter and are still together...17 years later. And of course does not feel badly and justifies it at all cost.
I actually want my STBX to make it work with SOMEBODY hell... this man hasnt been alone since he was 19 years old..now at 32..the shit is getting old. He really needs to sit down somewhere and figure out who the hell he is so he can truly know who he needs.
[This message edited by NikkiD at 8:39 AM, March 17th (Monday)]
