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The Pain!!!

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needrespect posted 3/16/2014 13:09 PM

Hello all,
I don't post much but read everyday. I feel like I just can't do this anymore. There are no choices for me to be happy. I have been searching for the answer since my last Dday and always come up with nothing but pain.
Choice #1...
Stay with my remorseful WH and raise our children knowing everyday that he is the man that caused me the worst pain of my life and got to keep his family intact as if it never happened while I am forever scarred and broken. Some days I just want to hurt him.
Choice #2...
Leave WH and family to be alone knowing that someone else will eventually take my place and enjoy all that I built. Be a stepparent to my kids and get the new WH. All the while I get to witness this.
Choice #3...
I want to die. Be away from it all, nothing to witness, nothing to feel.
I am not looking for a pity party folks, Just purging my thoughts.
I need this pain to end and most options are so full of pain.
My last Dday was 11/12 and I still cry daily, still hurt and just can't seem to get thru.
Geesh if I was reading this I would want me to disappear too. So pathetic.
Not sure I have a point to all this except you folks get it and I am just so damn lost.
THanks if you made it to here.

rachelc posted 3/16/2014 13:23 PM

((Needrespect)) 2 could also include you meeting someone new that respects you and fulfills you. Are you in IC? That may help... I'm 6 months further along than you and the pain has eased considerably just lately.

norabird posted 3/16/2014 13:48 PM

#2 can also involve getting to know yourself better and finding how to make you happy independently....growing a new set of interests, friends, etc., ultimately you have to focus on that, not on the fear of being replaced. The best revenge is living well.

Angel177 posted 3/16/2014 14:36 PM

I can totally relate. I always say that there just is no happy for me right now...choice 1 or choice 2 is just choosing between pain or more pain. What keeps me going is the hope that someday I will be happy again. I am working towards that. I think choice 1 is going to be where I find happiness again someday. I hope so anyway...I want so badly to feel happy with him again.

I believe choice 1 or choice 2 can lead to happiness. It's just a matter of healing yourself which is a process.

CATransplant posted 3/16/2014 14:43 PM


I am so sorry. I know that nothing that can be said will lessen the pain you feel. Please know that most of us feel the same pain. I understand where you stand. (((Hugs))).

Maybe someone like me, who does care about what you are going through will lessen the pain, even if just for a bit.

You are not alone.

Breezy150 posted 3/16/2014 15:03 PM

(((Needrespect))) You took the words out of my mouth. Please know that you are not alone, we are all here for you.

ChinaCat posted 3/16/2014 16:14 PM

I am brand spanking new to this group, but please know that you are worth so much more than you know. You are wonderful and strong and you will get through this. I am learning so much from this group! Please keep posting.

Lost15 posted 3/16/2014 16:29 PM

(((needrespect))) I know the pain you are feeling all too well. If you have read any of my postings you know I also have had some of the worst days and really didn't know if I could do this anymore. Just recently was my "Tired of faking it post." Even though I feel this way the motivation that keeps me going is knowing and hoping that one day I will be happy again. I know it is said over and over but it will get better it has to. Just hang in there. If you ever need to talk just msg me. Sometimes it helps to just vent and get it out. Look for a DivorceCare group in your area. They won't judge, they will be there to listen. Hugs to you.

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