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Newest Member: Alleycats (61167)

User Topic: DDay + 2 years and my update
♂ 35128
Member # 35128
Default  Posted: 2:45 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel somewhat bad giving my 2 cents on this forum without any update on my situation in over a year.

My WS has struggled with NC and broke NC about a year ago (8/2013) and has since put NC as some sort of responsibility on me, where I told her to basically fuck off and die.

St. Patrick's day is here and it marks the 2-year anniversary to me being put in jail on false charges so my WS could fuck OM#1 in my bed while I was in jail, then offer him up about $800 of my things on his way out.

So, I haven't had sex in 9+ months in this dysfunctional relationship, yet remained focus on trying to R and see to her needs, healing and issues. She has not been in IC this past year and refuses to go back to it and has a million additional excuses to boot, which I simply do not care about.

I've been in perpetual 180 mode, which I have to admit has been great. 90% of my excise cash has been put towards my hot-rod and I'm working on me. I've reconnected with family and friends that she forebode me from.. as well as I continue to participate here despite her constant/daily efforts to give me ultimatums of "SI or me!" which I answer "SI.. Cya" to her unemployed ass that is 3000 miles from her family and with $0 to her name

In some ways, there is progress. She has admitted 1000x that affairs don't work and she has told me at least that many times that she would have never started this shit IF she knew the end result. I have told her in response that being sorry for being caught means nothing to me and she needs to start working on remorse.

So that is where we are after 2 years post DDay. Not where I'd like things to be but I'm still happy since I'm in control of things now and while I may have a slight leech involved now, it's nothing like it was and I'm doing what I WANT now.

Booyah friends.

BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012

Posts: 760 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
♀ 33867
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 3:37 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

which I answer "SI.. Cya"

Obviously, you do not kowtow to her. Good.

I am wondering what is keeping you with your WS?

I appreciate the fact that you are happy doing what you want but does any of your happiness stem from the relationship with her?

Two years is a long time to wait for a WS to start working on remorse. Does she show any remorse?

What do you think she would do if your filed for D? Would that be a wake up call?

ME: 57 BS
HIM: 64 WH
Married: 32 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 6 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2439 | Registered: Nov 2011
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seems like your M is pretty much dead. Why not just pull the plug ? Life is very cyclical and sooner or later she is going to simply have another A, have you arrested on another false DV charge or some other marital fall out is going to happen. Best to get out while the going is good my man.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 6851 | Registered: Nov 2007
Random thoughts
♀ 2959
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's one thing to forgive an affair, but to have your spouse arrested on false charges so you can fcuk your affair partner is beyond the pale.

To me that boarders some personality disorders and lacking of any empathy and you should be scared.

As for her stating that affairs don't work, those words read to me as of she picked the wrong om to cheat on with both unemployed losers.

So what happens when and if she gets a job? Is she going to cheat with her coworker because she reads like the only reason she's not engaging in an affair is lack of opportunity and not remorse or learning her wrong doings

Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.

Posts: 1673 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry she's not remorseful, extremely glad you're doing so many things to make life good for you.

I don't understand why you're still M, and I'd be interested in why, but if explaining would take you away from more important pursuits, don't explain.

You sound like you've taken charge of your life, and that is great!

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16591 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 5

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