I know you already know this will pass but for now I just want to send you a big, warm hug.
I've been right where you are now. All of us have. Please know you're not alone.
I was bewildered for some time. Just reading your words brings it all back. I feel equal parts amazed that I survived it intact (I thought I would die of heartbreak) and astonished that I ever felt such loss for that guy. I'm 2 years out from DD - 18m+ post S.
When I was where you are now someone here said to me: "Sometime soon this won't be something that is happening, it will be something that has happened."
These firsts are rough - it gets better. So much better.
Right now I feel like I will be lonely forever.
And then I think about him with this OW now...they must be so happy they both ditched their annoying spouses and they must feel that new-love intoxicating, all consuming feeling. I am envious. I know it's likely going to be a train wreck for them-they are both a couple of broken people who have never gotten help with their own issues to be healthy alone- let alone together. But I'm jealous right now of how they must feel. How magical that feeling is.
I don't want to be lonely forever.
I can tell you that the 'magic" will die off very quickly with your H and his OW now that they can basically do as they please out in the open. So much more intoxicating when it's all in secret and there is risk.
You will not be lonely for long. Even if you don't fall into another relationship for some time you will find so much more things come your way now that your arms can open to accept them.
Sadly, it is a grief that you must work through to come out the other end stronger and ready to fight for your self respect.
I was married for 25 years and felt I'd had my legs chopped off at the knees for the first few months. I remember standing in the kitchen making two cups of tea (as usual) one black with no sugar (his) and one white with one (mine) until it dawned on me that never again would we sit down to breakfast together. Hard.
This time next year you will have shifted towards something greater but for now allow yourself the space to feel what you must.
Be easy on yourself - all things must pass.
You are not alone, I've been right where you are now, kept looking at the phone. Eventually, you will get to a better place.
I had a friend that kept telling me - "Just imagine yourself 1 year from now, you'll be in a totally different place emotionally"
I simply couldn't imagine myself one whole year without him. But I did it, Faith was a big part, strength from family and friends and keeping busy - got me through it.
Then you'll arrive at a better place, where you'll actually enjoy being alone, coming and going as you please, make dinner (or not).
In those down moments, think of the things that you do have, your health, your beautiful children, your home. Every positive thought helps get you through this horrible pain.
Me -BS (49)
DS 21, DD 17
oh sweetie. Yes, it's hard. It really is like a phantom limb. You're so used to turning to him, hearing from him, having contact--and then nothing. It's so confusing and sudden and hurtful. You know you don't deserve it but also knowing that doesn't change the fact that it's happened. It's like being shellshocked, in a daze. It's normal to miss the companionship, but you're right, feeling the suffering is part of how you will grow and become whole again. It can be a cold comfort to know you still have your integrity but that is what will get you through too.
Hang in there.
I also get bogged down at times thinking about how the OW is getting exactly what she wants, something she's been wanting for 4-5 years!! What a loser these OW's are!! I have thought about writing her an email to tell her I filed so she doesn't have to be back-up status anymore. Ugh, she's not worth it.
Hang in there. You don't need him.
I'm very lonely too but nowhere near ready to get involved with anyone, my heart is still too broken. But I understand where you are coming from.
they are too messed up and weak to just be on their own and fix themselves. that's why most of us are dealing with idiot ex or stbx that have already latched on to someone else
It sucks being alone though, I get it.
To this day, any time I type "I," guess what my phone tries to "complete" for me. I use my phone a lot for business email, and texting family and friends is also not unusual. I haven't sent an "I love you" text to anyone in a couple of months, but the phone still reminds me.
Point is, I know the feeling and I empathize. Sending you peace and strength.
It's hard to see the road ahead if you're always looking in the rear view mirror.