So, I think I've talked about this before, but my mother is a hoarder. My brother and I confronted her about it a few years ago, but nothing since. I've been talking in IC about how it makes me feel. My assignment, due today, was to write a letter to my mom about it. I wanted to share it. I'd appreciate any feedback. I haven't sent this yet, but I am planning to.
Dear Mom,
I need to discuss something difficult with you. I am very concerned about your hoarding. I know brother and I addressed it with you years ago, but we haven’t had a conversation about it since. Your hoarding scares me. I am concerned that you will get hurt in your house. I worry that you will not be able to get out the back door if there is a fire in the front of the house and it is blocked. I remember that there was a mattress in your living room – I worry that it will fall on you and you won’t be able to get up. I worry that you will fall down your basement stairs again because of all the stuff on your stairs. I wish that I would be able to come over to your house for dinner or to watch a movie, but there is no room for me there. I worry that you don’t know what food is expired or not in your kitchen – I worry about this since when brother, BH, and I came over to your house for dinner years ago, both of the salad dressing bottles said that they had been expired for a while.
I have given you hints about me helping you to deal with this. I have offered to come over and take all of my things out of the house. You have not seemed willing for me to do this. I can’t speak for brother, but I am sure that he would help get things out of the house as well. I am willing to help on weekends to go through things in your house that you no longer need. There are websites that we can sell things on like Craigslist and EBay, or we could donate things.
I avoid clipping coupons for Harbor Freight to get free stuff so that you don’t have more stuff in your house. If I need something or want to get something for school, I'll buy it.
I don’t want to buy your more items for your house at Christmas, etc, which I why I give you gift cards or money. I hate to see you bringing more junk into the house.
When I told you about the yard sale at school, I didn’t think that you would ask other people for things to add more stuff to your house. I thought that you would go through your things. I have a hard time saying no when you ask me if I want something. For example, the other day with the encyclopedias - it took me many times of saying that I didn't want them until you finally accepted it. I know that you mean well, but I don't need more stuff. Also, the yard sale is about getting rid of things that we already have, not buying stuff to sell.
I am scared to talk to you about all of this. I feel angry that if you don’t let me help you now, I will have to deal with your house when you die, NOT that I want that to happen, but inevitably it will. I have no idea who the executor of your will is, where it is in your house along with important papers,etc. I realized that I don’t even have a key to your house in case I need to get in to help you. I want you to live for a long time.
I am dealing with my dysfunctions in therapy now. It's extremely hard, but I am owning up to it. I didn't realize how bad my dysfunctions were until I hit rock bottom. I don't want you to hit rock bottom, but you need to deal with this now. I am willing to help or to assist you in getting the help you need.
Obviously I would like to sit down and talk to you about this in person. I don't want this to continue to be a rift between us.
I do love you and I wait to hear from you.
Love,
Pizzalover