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seriously, wtf?

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Kelany posted 3/17/2014 07:31 AM

Freak out dream alert!

Horrible horrible dream saturday night. Awful. I found out he never stopped cheating, and was way worse that I could have imagined my entire marriage. dozens of women, and even a few men. He described the encounters in detail. Bragged about it even, I was visually seeing him with one man, like a video playing.

It was vividly real, and my heart was breaking all over again. His addiction was so so deep. He offered to go away for help even but I was just devastated.

I was back in the doctors getting tested for more std's.

Then last night I had another dream. Similar vein, except just two more AP's.

Clearly, I still don't trust him and I still have a lot of fear. I was triggering yesterday about it.

I think I figured out why I'm triggering. I don't have an "a" season. This went on for 5 years. But, 3 years ago I had a partial gastrectomy (1/3 of my stomach was removed) and vagotomy (nerves that produce stomach acid among other things were severed) due to severe gastric ulcers. I was hospitalized for 7 days. My husband could barely muster the ability to come visit me. He was home...gaming. he did however call and tell me that his AP had been fired. Except I didn't know she was his AP so I sympathized with him.this was when their relationship ended physically.

He was distant, cold, and abandond me essentially. Two months later, AP#3 came along during another health crisis.

The pain dulls, yes, but never leaves. Ever.

Guess my triggers are starting early this year as both ddays were in July.

mal2006 posted 3/17/2014 08:01 AM

I had a dream JUST like that right after DDay except WH didn't want to get help, he just wanted me to accept it and let it happen! Even was just sitting there with his arm around one of the men like it was just commonplace. Ugh, most horrible NIGHTMARE ever. I think I was dreaming this way because I was terrified of what else I might find out. I haven't had any dreams like that since that I recall.

4everfaithful83 posted 3/17/2014 09:36 AM

I feel your pain...dreams are the worst. They feel so real! I've literally woken up in tears before! I hope you feel better today!

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