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apology question

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rachelc posted 3/17/2014 09:49 AM

about a month after my husband's affair we were trying to keep it together and went to the gym where I work to get in a workout together. I was a mess but this was something we always did together and made us feel good.

When we got there a local swim team was there having a meet and using the workout room as a place for coaches to meet or grab a bite to eat.

We tried to workout in there but a gal told us she couldn't have us in there while there was food being served. She was right, but I went off on her. And I mean I was a bitch. I surprised myself by the way I acted. We left and every time I see her she glares at me. I feel I owe her an apology for acting this way. She is NOT in our circle of friends but we know a lot of the same people. Heck her kids go to the school I work at.

She did not need any crap from me and I was out of line. this was two years ago and I guess I'd like her to know that I wasn't my usual self that day. I was suffering and took it out on her. I'm sure she's already told ppl I acted like this but I feel I should go back and make amends.

should I let it go or send her an apology?

MovingUpward posted 3/17/2014 09:55 AM

It sounds like it is on your mind, so why don't you apologize and free yourself. I can't remember when a known offense was made worse by a genuine apology.

IWantDoOver posted 3/17/2014 11:10 AM

She was right, but I went off on her. And I mean I was a bitch. I surprised myself by the way I acted. We left and every time I see her she glares at me. I feel I owe her an apology for acting this way.

Offer an apology; as you know, she is under no obligation to forgive your hostility.

HFSSC posted 3/17/2014 11:18 AM

To me, the 9th step amends were the highlight of my 12 step recovery program. There were SO many things that I knew I had done to cause harm, and carried so much shame and guilt over them. To be able to look people in the eye, or talk on the phone, write letters, etc, and own up to what I had done, express my regret and then ask what I could do to make it right... I can't express the freedom that it brought.

Be prepared for a look of incredulousness and this person's inability to remember the event. There were a lot of things that I thought were SO huge and imagined this person still carrying a resentment over, and to my surprise, when I made the amends, the person would have no idea what I was even talking about. On the other hand, as IWDO pointed out, they may not offer forgiveness, and that's perfectly okay. You're not responsible for outcomes, just doing the right thing. And it sounds like apologizing would be the right thing to do.

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