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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: Advice needed please...
♀ 7484
Member # 7484
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I worked with a woman not too long ago that would talk about her BF being out all of the time, and never home, not working, but never home. She is taking care of his son by another woman and all. She pays all of the bills etc. Well, this fall she found out she had HPV and the beginning stages of cervical cancer. So she had a complete hysterectomy. Last week I went to have lunch with a family member of mine, that I haven't spoken to in a long time due to the fact that she was in women's correction facility. She has "changed" at least it seems, and wanted to ask for forgiveness. Anyway while talking she told me she had been seeing "the BF" of the woman I worked with, not knowing they were together. She even went to their house and they "met" in the basement. She also went on to say that she now realizes he has a girlfriend, etc. and that he is all about the "sex" with all kinds of women. So do I tell the woman I worked with or not, it would be against my family hard but with an STD as part of the picture, I feel compelled. I don't know. I wish someone would have told me when my H was being a dink and sexting and stuff. Any advice? I would love for my name to stay out of it but honestly she deserves to know what trash he is.

Me 42
Wh 36
Ds 11
Dd 7
Dday 6/19/2005, LTA and Oral pleasures, dday#2 Jan/2011 EA, dday #3 Nov/2013 pornographic pics of "friends"
I think this is finally R...

Posts: 260 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Michigan
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell you said, you would have wanted someone to tell you.

This time it's cervical cancer. Next time it could be HIV.

If you don't want to tell her, and you have access to the investigative forum, you can ask someone there to contact your friend since you want to stay out of it(perfectly understandable with OW being family AND just got out of a women's correctional facility).

She went to his house...she was inside his house..but claims not to have known a woman lived in that house? I call bullshit on that. BULLSHIT. She is just trying to justify and rationalize her shitty behavior.

Tough spot to be in..but you know she deserves to know...right?

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:00 AM, March 17th (Monday)]

FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does your family member plan to continue seeing this bf of your coworker?

I would tell her. You said it yourself, you wish someone had told you.

It sounds like he's cheating with multiple women. Your coworker needs to know for her own safety, as some STDs can be fatal.

Posts: 3446 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I agree with confused.

I am sorry you are in this position, but you have the ability to do some good here. Let her know her truth.

Strength to you, I know it will be heart-breaking to do.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How awful. Your former coworker certainly needs to know. I hope you can find a way to break the news to her.

I hate hearing things like this.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you think your family member stopped seeing the guy as soon as she realized he was cheating, I wouldn't out her - but the BF should be outed for sure.

If your family member is still seeing the guy, probably out both, IMO.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16812 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 6

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