I imagine I would keep some lingering sense of anger but at some point it can become corrosive.
My dear sister was killed in a car accident 16 years ago. I can now think of my dear sister without tears and sadness, most of the time. Every once in awhile, I will hear someone laugh or see someone who, out of the corner of my eye, looks like my sister. And I may tear up and even cry and feel melancholy and miss the hell out of her.
Point is, you can still feel emotions about things in the past without it being anything more than just that. A fleeting memory of the pain and emotions you felt at the time. It doesn't mean you are consumed or focused on it at all. KWIM?
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
I was under the impression that if I got D, the pain would go away because the WH would be out of my life. But maybe not?
It has been 13 years since DDAY for me, and I am sick to death of feeling pain. I have felt better than I do now at times over the years, but right now, I am triggering and wondering why I stayed in this horrible marriage.
Maybe it hurts more because she left him to marry the AP?
I just wish I could take a Tylenol and the pain would magically go away.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Relax, everything’s out of control” – Adi Da Samraj
I don't think I will ever NOT hurt about this. I trusted my FWH..and loved him beyond measure. And he took that love and that trust and shit all over it.
Even if we R...even if he never cheats again and is a wonderful husband from this day forward...he will always be the man who shattered my heart.
That will always hurt.
Freebygrace...I don't think divorce will magically make the pain go away. But, I would think that healing from a divorce would be less difficult than trying to heal with a WS who didn't do everything they could have done to R in a healthy manner.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
That fundamentally changes your outlook on the world, and how you perceive things.
But you also have to heal it, and become stronger for it.
My MIL D'd my FIL after my H and I were married. He was a controlling man, who has multiple issues, including some OCD, and never allowed her to work when the boys were still at home. I suspect he cheated too. But My MIL, chose to be happy, and healed. My FIL was angry and bitter toward her for many years, I couldn't have them both at my house for events like the kids birthdays and so forth. He remarried within 2 years, and so did she. But he never once admitted, or owned all the crappy things he did to her. Now he is approaching 70, and I think he has let it go for the most part, but would still choose to not be around her, near her, for any event.
My point is how you heal and how you choose to live is up to you. Should you D it's up to you to either be angry and bitter about what he did, or look at it as a gift that you don't have to spend the rest of your life with someone who is so unworthy of your love and respect.
The trick fo rme is to stay focused on the right things. That is one reason I come here. We are not alone.