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User Topic: Bleck. Today is my anniversary
♀ 40274
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, today would have been…or still is…I am still technically married I guess. It would have been 13 years,together 15.

We got married 3 times. One real wedding and then 2 vow renewals. One for fun at end of year one in Vegas, and one at 10 years in the bahamas with our kids on the beach. I thought we were in it for the long haul. I thought I knew this person. I thought he loved me more than anyone in the world. And I loved him too. Of course, like everyone, we had our regular married people issues, but I thought it was a good marriage. I had gratitude for everything we had together, the kids, the house, the lifestyle, all good.

I was apparently wrong. He was a wolf in sheeps clothing. I don't know what happened and when, I probably will never know the full extent of it. I do know that he went on ashley madison, met some woman who was a swinger, fell in love, bought into this "open marriage" idea and somehow thought he could keep all that going on indefinately. Whatever else he did down in that rabbit hole, who knows, but I have to imagine a lot more goes on than I know about.

By the time he told me he wanted to end the marriage this summer, he was so emotionally detached, I hardly recognized the man I knew for 15 years. He is robotic, unapologetic, angry, manipulative, scheming, cold and paranoid. He is truly an evil stranger.

Since recovering from the TRAUMA of those early days and getting through the holiday, now I find myself in an epic shit shorm of divorce reality. We are fighting about parenting time, we are fighting about money, the money is running out, and I have no idea what is going to happen. I am looking for a job and that will determine where I am going to live and if I keep the house and all that. The combined legal bill is 21K and it has barely just started….

He wants 50/50 custody, but doesn't feel we should discuss it and won't even tell me why he thinks that is what is best for our particular kids. This is his quote:

"There is no parental hierarchy, sleepless; despite your personal belief. Our divorce does not give you license to limit equal parenting time just as I would not want to limit parenting time for YOU to anything less than 50% UNLESS you are proven to be unfit."

So, this is just a pissing match. This is how he validates that he is as good a parent by how many nights kids sleep under his roof? We aren't even having the same conversation….

I have tried to talk to him. I have tried to de-escalate the situation so we don't go broke with the lawyers…and his is just the stereotypical ambulance chasing, inflammatory kind of arrogant ahole that makes divorce so much worse…telling my easily manipulated STBX exactly what he wants to hear...

Happy Aniversary. You caused all this. You screwed over me, your kids, everyone we know thinks you are a total f**ing asshole. You are bleeding us dry of all the money we saved over the last 15 years. My whole life is upside down. I am holding the kids together and they are okay, because I am okay and YOU ARE NOT AN EXEMPLARY FATHER as you claim. You are off the rails and I do hope that some day you are going to wake up and realize what a dick you acted like. How bad you treated me. How badly you messed up your life, and at least for now, my life too.

I am going to be okay. My destiny is not tied to yours. You are in a black hole and I thank GOD that he protected me and that now I know who you are and know that I deserve so much more than this.

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 446 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40247 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 42096
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This made me teary.
I love what you said- my destiny is not tied to yours.
My dear Mom who has been my rock in all this always says "you walk in the light, my dear..."
And so do you, sleepless.

"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 39193
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm so sorry. I just went through a tiny version of this- my "Unniversary" was the 3rd. But we are completely disconnected and NC. I can't even imagine what you are dealing with. But I know you are strong enough to get through it, for yourself and your kids.

He will regret all of this someday.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords

Posts: 1857 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm so sorry.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♂ 42231
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am so very sorry for what you and your kids are going through. My "9th anniversary" was last wednesday. Again, from a "man's perspective," I too am so sorry for what he is putting you and your children through. Sending you peace and strength. You and your children deserve better, and you will get them and you through this.

[This message edited by SoulHurts at 10:20 PM, March 17th (Monday)]

"Character is the ability to follow through on commitments that were made in moments of high resolve – even when we no longer feel like it." Carl Andersen

Posts: 3112 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 6

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