hello everyone, long time reader first post, would like to know if others have experienced this.
WH left 3 years ago,the day i found out about the texting,picture messages to a coworker. i got the ilybinilwu speech and she was just a close friend and nothing was going on but that he felt he wanted to sleep with her. he told the kids promised them he would always be there for them and me, if we needed him we were to just ring.
that lasted for about a month then the kids found out about OW as they overheard me on the phone to a friend. they confronted him to find out wth was going on, and he withdrew completely from them. At the same time as this happening all his family members stopped talking to both mysel and them, including his parents.
now over the last few years i have extended the olive branch to his parents on a few occasions as my children would like them in their lives, they accept for a short while and then pull away completely for many months (they live 5 mins away)with no explanation as to why.
WH spends approx 3 months in any one year texting to them, but no visits or calls. he lives in the same town as us and works just down the road. if one of them (3 teenageers )says something he dont like to hear, or tells him something he dont want to hear he breaks all contact. it is the chidren that contact him to start the texting as they miss him. he tells them that he misses and loves them loads but dont do anything to change the situation. he does pay the minimum child support (england)which i give to them as an allowance.
At present we are in a no contact period as back in sept, dd2 told him about medical appointments for an ongoing health problem, he didnt like the fact that he didnt know that she was still seeing doctors, so broke all contact. he sends no birthay ,christmas cards or acknowledges any special days at all. he says this is because they dont send him a birthday card,fathers day card.
the children have tried so many times to have the contact but it is always him that breaks it, then promises the next time things will change and he wont let them down again.
he moved in with the OW within 2 months of ddday and as far as i know he still lives with her and her family, she has 1dd and 1ds at home, and 1 dd who lives with her partner. both dds are in their mid 20s and the ds is the same age as our youngest.
when we were together bar the last couple of years he was a brilliant dad and did loads with them, drove them every weekend and a few week nights to the clubs that they were involved in. took them places and generally spent time with them, they were all really close. the last few years he pulled away from them after a bereavement hit him hard and he became more distanced. he started spending everyday at the gym and became a bit of a health nerd, stopped smoking and eating rubbish. we accepted that as he needed to deal with the death in is own way. i did suggest counselling for him and us but he refused.i have no contact with him i have seen him maybe 3 times in the last 2 years. 1 when dd2 was in hospital and he ignored me completely and then nearly got thrown out for his language infront of the other patients, 1 time i bumped into him and OW in a shop and he nearly had a nervous breakdown when i and a friend stoodd behind him in the queue. OW didnt recognise me as i had lost weight an changed my hair and i had only seen her at functions. and the last time i had knee surgery and he came to the house to see dds.
sorry for the long post but wanted to give as much information as possible, so what makes a previously loving father turn into a stranger too his children when they have tried so many times to be part of his life? WS welcome for any insight.
he has never asked them to meet OW and his new family, she is not mentioned on texts when he is in contact. his parents are in contact with kids at present.
he has missed so much in the last few years proms, exam results,starting university so many good things have happened in the childrens life that he hasnt been part off where they would have wanted him there, there has also been many lows that i have dealt with alone too.
so how do they turn their backs on their own flesh and blood without so much of backward glance? how do they live with themselves?
thank you for any insight.