SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

brokenbandaged posted 3/17/2014 17:05 PM

Last September I caught my husband trying to cheat, theres been a lot of horrible things he has done to me but this is the one I just cant get past. I read all their messages between them. He exchanged pictures of himself for pictures of this random girls vajayjay, and would please himself for her at work and send her pictures. They met online. Then they made plans to meet up. He claimed his wife was beautiful and amazing and he loved me, but I didnt give him oral sex enough so he wanted that and regular sex from her. We were trying for a baby at the time. I knew something was wrong because he was constantly on his phone and messaging and secretive and lying. So I checked his facebook and there it all was. I confronted him the day before they were going to meet up, and he stopped talking to her. We stayed together living in the house while I figured out what to do. He was good to me in that time, remorseful. His cheating was all because he was selfish. Then I found out I was pregnant, this news brought joy, and because he acted sorry (for all of a few days) things slowly carried on. Like nothing ever happened. Hes more selfish now than ever and babys due soon. I cant afford my house without him or much, and I dont know how to stop hating him. He lies a lot too. I dont know what I expect to get from this forum but the pain and anger has built up to the point where ill try anything! Still in shock too never thought he could do this to me.

ChinaCat posted 3/17/2014 17:19 PM

Brokenbandaged,

I am so very sorry to hear how much you are hurting.

This forum is amazing and I have only been here a short while.

The 180 method outlined in the Healing Library has already begun to help me. Take a look at it if you have time.

Most of all, take care of yourself and your beautiful baby you are carrying! Give yourself a kiss on the hand and a big hug from me!

We care about you and believe in you.

norabird posted 3/17/2014 21:46 PM

I am so sorry. Focus on you and your upcoming birth for now but know you do not have to stay with him. Is he still behaving suspiciously or is it more just selfishness in general? He has to know you mean business and will not tolerate less than a true partnership with him. Be strong and have clear expectations and boundaries. Know the consequences if they are crossed.

Do you have family support? Can you consult with a lawyer to find out the child support situation? It would help if your consequences aren't just bluffing--if you're willing to walk the walk.

It's terrible and entitled timing on his part. Whether he can change or can only get worse is the question. I think he needs to know the current situation is not cutting it. Firmly. The 180 in the healing library is definitely a great first resource.