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Guilt

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Angeles85 posted 3/17/2014 18:26 PM

Ok I just need to know if what I'm feeling today is common. Some of you are very wise people and I hope understand my point. Ok 10 weeks after DDay...I left home the same day but we are still working together :/
Today he beg me to come back and even cried...(funny thing he only misses me on the weekdays) ok so for the 100th time I said NO and that was it.
On my way home I was thinking about next weekend, I'm going with some friends to the grand canyon and I felt excitement...but then he came to my mind and I felt guilty to be happy!! What is this?? I started analyzing my life and in the last 10 weeks if I plan to do something(even small) he comes to my mind and I feel bad for him, guilty because I'm moving forward, healing and he is not. I know this is not right, I deserve to be happy, I didn't cheat so why I feel this terrible guilt. Can someone relate?

SBB posted 3/17/2014 18:49 PM

It is still very early days for you. Those ties that bind take time to hack off, some we have to wait until they die off.

You still feel responsible for his happiness. This is someone you shared your life with. It is normal to feel this way. It takes time for your give-a-fuck to break. In my experience the sad clown helped that along significantly with the fuckery he pulled once he realised his Hoovering wasn't working anymore.

Don't get sucked in. Pls read the Hoovering thread - you'll recognise a lot of it. http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=480828

[This message edited by SBB at 9:23 PM, March 17th (Monday)]

MadeOfScars posted 3/17/2014 21:05 PM

SBB is dead on. After everything my STBXWW did to me, I still struggle knowing that she is not in a good place. That said, the "give a fuck" is lessening by the day. She is not my problem anymore, but it will take time to fully accept it. Your feelings are normal, but at the same time, if it's best for you to move on, then move on you must do.

Have fun on your trip, and don't feel bad about it!

MadeOfScars posted 3/17/2014 21:08 PM

I'll add that when you love or loved someone deeply, it is hard to turn that off even when they wrong you so horribly. It's a sign that you are a good person with great character. This is obviously a good thing and the reason you will heal while he may not. It is very normal, and again, it just shows you are of high character, and you deserve better.

Caretaker1 posted 3/17/2014 21:28 PM

I give you credit. He sounds remorseful and it's only 10 weeks. Most would still be hurting inside after DDay. Some still had trouble doing the most basics so more power to you. Have fun. Im guessing no kids involved.

caregiver9000 posted 3/17/2014 21:33 PM

SBB,

Those ties that bind take time to hack off, some we have to wait until they die off.

I read that and thought "until they (stbx) dies off" and nodded right along...

ah, the days of wishing he would just die.

Angeles, You do deserve to be happy!! You must move forward! If he is unhappy, it is called consequences for HIS behavior.

Hang in there and keep moving forward!

Angeles85 posted 3/17/2014 21:45 PM

Thank u so much for your comments...deep inside I know I'm not supposed to feel guilty and I will definately work on that. I have some really bad days and I'm still scared of the future. We don't have kids...thanks again

norabird posted 3/17/2014 21:49 PM

It's okay to feel sorry for him--just don't let it change your behavior. Acknowledge the guilt, acknowledge that YOU are not the guilty party and deserve your awesome Grand Canyon trip (so jealous!), and give yourself permission to seize as much happiness out of this trying time as you can. You truly deserve it.

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