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Anniversary today. What am I supposed to be celebrating?

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NotDefeatedYet posted 3/17/2014 19:17 PM

What's the significance anymore? Celebrating broken vows? She seems to think it's a big day, but I can't justify that. If anything, it should be a date to be forgotten.

I don't know. I just feel weird about it. It's another day to me now. Am I doing this all wrong?

somanyyears posted 3/17/2014 19:20 PM


..

If anything, it should be a date to be forgotten.

..raising hand in total agreement!

smy

Ivyivy posted 3/17/2014 19:25 PM

It is worse than another day. It is a reminder of the broken vows. I do not think that even if we R, it will be a day that I ever celebrate again.

Kattc posted 3/17/2014 20:00 PM

Our anniversary fell a week after Dday. We didn't celebrate but we acknowledged it by writing each other good memories of our marriage . For me his A was not a delete button to erase 24yrs of marriage but more like a pause button . Unfortunately there is no rewind button or fast forward so if I want to finish this journey all I can do is press play again.

Breezy150 posted 3/17/2014 20:01 PM

I know that my anniversary will never be celebrated. It is a day I hate, it was the day he promised to be faithful, and that turned out to be a lie. Even if we R I will mourn that day because that marriage is dead.

vivere posted 3/17/2014 20:16 PM

I don't really celebrate the date anymore. Initially it was a painful reminder but with the passing of time it's becoming more and more, just another day.

I really like Kattc's take on it. I wish I could have looked at my marriage that way but to me it was D E A D, dead.

For me, trying to reconcile is easier when I consider this a new start, a new relationship. That way the disappointment of what could have been or what should have been is lessened. Of course it doesn't go away, with a history of 20 odd years and children in the mix, the reality is, part of me will always miss the future that I had planned and mourn the loss that I feel.

Kelany posted 3/17/2014 20:17 PM

Our anniversary fell 10 weeks after dday1. I did not want to acknowledge it. He got me a card.

Our anniversary fell 2 months after dday2 a year later. He didn't dare acknowledge other than one time saying happy anniversary. I did not respond.

This last anniversary was a year after dday2. It was very low key, he worked, I made dinner, that was it. No gifts, nothing more. I was okay with that.

Not sure how I will feel about our next one.

stunnedin12 posted 3/17/2014 20:52 PM

I hear you.

Last year I thought we were celebrating our 25th anniversary with a renewed commitment from wh. I thought (stupidly) that chickie was in our history.
Come to find out his cell phone pocket texted her 4 days later.....

I won't be acknowledging our 26th anniversary in April. I have no clue what wh thoughts are on the matter.

I like Kattc's idea, but I mentally/emotionally am more in line with vivere's idea of that marriage (of 25 years) is dead. The next 25 better be better.....

MrKabosh posted 3/18/2014 09:34 AM

+1 Kattc, I like the way you write.
My ww actually had me planning to renew our vows in May for our 25Th, that was in December. I busted her yet again {2Nd time}in Jan. It will only be a day of pain and bullshit for me. I have been so lost and I am hanging only by the thinnest of threads and I already think she is up to something. If she is, I plan on filing for D on our anniversary date, Obviously means nothing to her so it might as well mean something to me, INDEPENDANCE DAY !

5454real posted 3/18/2014 09:55 AM

It's another day to me now. Am I doing this all wrong?

D-day was 2 months to the day of our anniversary. Went through it on autopilot. @nd anniv after, got her a card. This year, the same. Maybe next year a little more. I'm in R, so reclaiming the date might be important. Don't know yet, still hard to *celebrate*. I will someday.

You're doing nothing wrong.

simplydevastated posted 3/18/2014 10:31 AM

First off, you're not doing anything wrong.

I think you have to look at as "what has she done to help me heal?" That plays a huge role. Sure, anniversaries are supposed to be a big deal. It was the day the two of you stood before friends and family and said "this is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life." Unfortunately, as many here can say, that wasn't the reality.

There are plenty of WS's that have done everything in their power to ensure they will not hurt the BS like this anymore. They have made their marriage stronger so their anniversary is still special.

Then there are others, like myself, who's WS hasn't done a damn thing to help. My husband blames me and the kids for his attitude. He's nestled firmly in his victim role and that's where he plans on staying. So our anniversary means absolutely nothing. We don't even acknowledge it anymore. The first two years after my first d-day he gave me a card. After that I received nothing and I gave nothing. There is nothing to celebrate.

I hope my rambling helped.

Lostinthismess posted 3/18/2014 17:28 PM

I'm dreading it. Our 12 anni was 3 days after dday. Makes me want to throw in the towel just thinking about it. Ruined forever less than 3 weeks away. Just thinking about it makes me want to punch something

Skye posted 3/18/2014 19:12 PM

What should you be celebrating? Absolutely, nothing. It is just another day.

NotDefeatedYet posted 3/19/2014 06:18 AM

Fortunately, I changed from midnights to days Sunday, so I spent the day working, then came home and went straight to sleep. Kept me busy. I did spend a lot of the day of thinking about it more than I should have. The hard part is I WANT it to be a big day, but I know it's not. She used to talk about renewing vows, but I'm not game for that either. I kept mine, why do I need to renew it? That's like the president committing treason, then saying it's all good because he's willing to retake his oath of office. Not gonna happen. Live with your broken promise.

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