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User Topic: Line in the Sand!
PollyA
♀ 40567
Member # 40567
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After 7 months of torture, of new revelations and broken promises, etc....I put a line in the sand. With a logical voice, I explained, "I am ready to walk away from this contract. I'll negotiate with someone who can follow through with the details of my contract." He finally understood. So far.... BUT...I'm never going back. NEVER!

Did YOU put a line in the sand? Did it work?


BW - 2 x's ( once before married, got therapy, thought we'd both moved forward)
WH - SA? Probably not. Just a Selfish ASS
DD1 - 4/2001 - 1 OW, left, returned, therapy, thought he'd "gotten it". I was wrong.
DD2 - 8/2013 -

Posts: 136 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: PollyA
PeaceLove187
♀ 33559
Member # 33559
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, and it did work. After asking him for a separation three times over three months and being talked out of it each time, I found evidence of A behavior on his computer and I was done. I removed my ring and slept in the guestroom that night and the next morning he sent a no contact message to his AP. I agreed to stay but told him there was no tolerance, no more chances, and he has maintained no contact since. We still had to work through some flirting type behavior and his "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" kind of thinking but I made a written list of the behaviors that were deal breakers and he made the needed changes.

It might help to put your requirements in writing, if you haven't already done so. You'd think they'd just know what not to do but old habits die hard.

[This message edited by PeaceLove187 at 8:54 PM, March 17th (Monday)]


BW--Me, 57
FWH--Him, 59
Married 35 years
Empty Nesters

Posts: 642 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
stunnedin12
♀ 38141
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I put a line in the sand and punctuated it with letting him know I had been in contact with a lawyer.

1. No contact - at all - never - ever. If he ever had the audacity to tell me his phone pocket dialed, texted or even thought of chickie again he was out. If a thought bubble of chickie even formed above his head, I was done.

2. If I ever caught him in another lie, I was out.

I think another thing that helped was that I did not hide the utter sadness, anger, rage (puking), etc. from him the last time he contacted chickie. It also helped that I 180'd him hard and I let him know in no uncertain terms that HE would be working his *ss off for years to ever deserve me. i went at him strong and confident even when I didn't (don't) feel it.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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