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Line in the Sand!

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PollyA posted 3/17/2014 20:28 PM

After 7 months of torture, of new revelations and broken promises, etc....I put a line in the sand. With a logical voice, I explained, "I am ready to walk away from this contract. I'll negotiate with someone who can follow through with the details of my contract." He finally understood. So far.... BUT...I'm never going back. NEVER!

Did YOU put a line in the sand? Did it work?

PeaceLove187 posted 3/17/2014 20:53 PM

Yes, and it did work. After asking him for a separation three times over three months and being talked out of it each time, I found evidence of A behavior on his computer and I was done. I removed my ring and slept in the guestroom that night and the next morning he sent a no contact message to his AP. I agreed to stay but told him there was no tolerance, no more chances, and he has maintained no contact since. We still had to work through some flirting type behavior and his "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" kind of thinking but I made a written list of the behaviors that were deal breakers and he made the needed changes.

It might help to put your requirements in writing, if you haven't already done so. You'd think they'd just know what not to do but old habits die hard.

[This message edited by PeaceLove187 at 8:54 PM, March 17th (Monday)]

stunnedin12 posted 3/17/2014 21:04 PM

I put a line in the sand and punctuated it with letting him know I had been in contact with a lawyer.

1. No contact - at all - never - ever. If he ever had the audacity to tell me his phone pocket dialed, texted or even thought of chickie again he was out. If a thought bubble of chickie even formed above his head, I was done.

2. If I ever caught him in another lie, I was out.

I think another thing that helped was that I did not hide the utter sadness, anger, rage (puking), etc. from him the last time he contacted chickie. It also helped that I 180'd him hard and I let him know in no uncertain terms that HE would be working his *ss off for years to ever deserve me. i went at him strong and confident even when I didn't (don't) feel it.

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