How can i live knowing he chose her over me? Im sick about this :(
*Finding my strength*
What your WH has done is NOT how normal people handle discontent in their relationships. You did nothing wrong, and your children did nothing wrong. When the dust settles he's the one who will look like a total moron for abandoning his family. Stand tall and strong... look up the 180 in the healing library and work it. He sounds like he's far from regret, much less remorse, so get him out of the house (if he's already made his immediate choice). Start seeing a counselor so you can feel whole again. Next stop, lawyer, to make sure you know your rights. You, and your children, don't deserve this. You may still love him, but he doesn't deserve to be protected right now.
I made a huge St. Paddy's day meal yesterday for myself and a 3yo. It was one of my husband's favorite meals. The entire time I kept thinking about what a waste it was... not that I'd made the effort to produce it, but that my husband threw away me, our son, our family, our home, our future, etc for a skeezy "feeling". It MUST be a sickness... it's the only way I can make it work in my mind.
You didn't lie and cheat. You kept your promises to him and your family. You are a good person, he's a lying, cheating, sack of crap. You are too good for him!
It's time to get angry, it's better than being sad. But those feelings of worthlessness into something positive. Write, paint, create or destroy. Something for you!
Remember, YOU are NOT worthless! You will rise above this because you are a good, strong person!
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
Try to look into the 180. You are important. Your family is important. Some people just have screwed up priorities (or none at all.)
I know this doesn't stop the confusion or pain, but you need to try and pursue a mindset where he doesn't GET to hurt you anymore because his vote doesn't count.
Any of us can understand the question and even where it comes from.
But we all know the answer - of course you have value and worth- to yourselves and many many others. I hope that you understand those answers too.
Answers or no, going through all this does make you stronger.
"When you are going through Hell, keep going."
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Try to understand that he is not picking her over you. He is picking running from his issues instead of facing them.
Being with you requires him to face his problems and get help. Being with her allows him to deny he has any problems.
What he has with her is not authentic. She allows his issues to continue without confrontation. The moment she starts asking too many questions or is upset by his actions she's out the door.
He is not picking her over you. You are not worthless. You are healthy enough to know what he's doing isn't right and he's running from facing that, not from you. Although if you asked him he'd blame it on you in a heartbeat. He's not well and he'll do just about anything to deny that, including blaming you for his behavior.
Honey you deserve real love. You deserve to be respected by your husband and to have a faithful partner. He's not able to be that guy right now. And until he's able to accept that he has problems and he makes the decision to face them and work on them, nothing will change.
You are not worthless. He can't stay with you because you aren't broken enough to accept his behavior. He's leaving because you are worthy.
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.
Brandon and Mavrosa sum it up pretty well.
His actions don't define you. Only himself.
Twillett333, you are an kind person, an excellent mother and your value as a person is not defined by your WH. Have faith that standing up for yourself is the right thing to do and you will get through these trials.
Take some time for yourself today and do something that makes your feel good about yourself. Go for a walk, read a book, take a hot bath...just do something for yourself. Do an easy dinner for the kids, just be kind to yourself today. Tomorrow will be better.
[This message edited by 99lawdog99 at 11:35 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)]
You are strong, beautiful (I don't need to see you to say that honestly, beauty has nothing to do with what we look like for me), resilient, generous and honest.
You are not worthless. It's this time coming up that will determine if your WS is worth it to you.
It helped me a lot in the early days to say in my head over and over "I will not feel like this forever." It's true. I don't feel the same now. I feel stronger, more confident and secure in who I am now than ever before. Can't even tell you if my H and I are going to make it or not. I think so, but my recovery had to come on the back of me being completely prepared for a life without my H, and I really had to mean it too. And I do.