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gotmylifeback (original poster member #32693) posted at 7:43 AM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
If you came across another member's profile and it sounded like one of your friends, would you ask. What if you suspected it was a coworker? I know SI is a safe place where we can all post anonymously. I just read someones profile and it sound very similar to a coworker that I dont know very well. This coworker is also the opposite sex so I am extra leary to ask, but I also want to offer support. What say you?
Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband
Happily remarried.
"Even a dead fish will go with the flow. Don't be a dead fish." - my pastor.
DragonBunker ( member #42551) posted at 8:24 AM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
I say you try and offer support in person. This coworker may feel less able to vent and post their innermost thoughts if they think someone they know is reading it.
Never looking back with longing. Always looking forward with hope.
Unagie ( member #37091) posted at 8:34 AM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
I would say to not intrude. Boundaries are important on all sides and as well meaning as you may be this co-worker may not see it as such. Don't take anyone's safe place from them. If you are invited in it is one thing but this is not being invited, especially if this is someone you are not that friendly with to begin with. Allow them to heal or reach out as they please and within the I limits.
LostSamurai ( member #41347) posted at 11:58 AM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
Too dangerous if they are of the opposite sex. You don't know for sure so I wouldn't talk in person. Send a PM of advice and that's it.
Read how affairs begin and analyze your boundaries.
I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...
confused girl ( member #10649) posted at 12:30 PM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
This is a hard situation but I know I would be horrified if a coworker said something to me about finding me on here. This is where I go to be totally private. It could cause great anxiety at work, too.
While I appreciate that you want to offer support, you can offer that support here without bringing work into it.
BtraydWife ( member #42581) posted at 1:44 PM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
I agree that you can post here in support of them without knowing for sure who they are IRL. Let them keep their privacy but be supportive.
Secrets Kept ( member #40630) posted at 10:31 PM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
In the topic line you state "friend". If this person is really a "friend" they may like the chance to have someone understanding what they are going thru IRL!?!?!
I have referred a friend here whose WH has had A's on her in the past couple of years. We are truly friends & I have no problem with her being on SI. We both know each others stories anyway so it's not really anything new to each other.
How you go about asking is a totally different sitch though. Do you know if this person or friend has infidelity in their past & if so, maybe just casually mention how you found such a great site & throw SI's name out there. If they don't immediately respond, they may want to keep the secret. Otherwise they will probably come back to you later like my friend & state what a great site you referred them to, etc.
Difficult knowing what to do so I doubt I was much help to you.
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"
Wodnships ( member #42750) posted at 10:36 PM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
I think what I would do is send them a brief PM saying who I was, who I thought they were and letting them know if I was right and they wanted support IRL then I'm here. I'd leave it at that. If they didn't respond or said it wasn't who I thought it was I'd assume either I was wrong or they weren't comfortable with me knowing.
me: BH 37
Her: WW 29
Married 6 years. Dating 10. Living together 8.
If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world
- Harry Chapin
stunnedin12 ( member #38141) posted at 11:24 PM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
Personally, I would not say anything. My thought is if a friend (not acquaintance) wanted me to know about the affair, they would tell me and I would not break their safe place here.
ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Lawyers involved.
damncutekitty ( member #5929) posted at 1:03 AM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
I am pretty open in my personal life about my being on this site. I refer people here all the time. If a friend of mine is on here, it's probably because I told them about it.
That said, some people are just very private.
You could send a PM and the person can choose to answer or not.
12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.
Lovedyoumore ( member #35593) posted at 1:13 AM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
I would freak out if a coworker or friend contacted me here. I need my privacy to vent and post. I really think it would cause me to shut down or seriously edit myself and I need SI to be private.
I would not open that door for all of your sakes.
Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R
Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
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