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Newest Member: dazedgoodguy (49900)

User Topic: if you suspect another member is a friend
♂ 32693
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 1:43 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you came across another member's profile and it sounded like one of your friends, would you ask. What if you suspected it was a coworker? I know SI is a safe place where we can all post anonymously. I just read someones profile and it sound very similar to a coworker that I dont know very well. This coworker is also the opposite sex so I am extra leary to ask, but I also want to offer support. What say you?

Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband
Happily remarried.

"Even a dead fish will go with the flow. Don't be a dead fish." - my pastor.

Posts: 634 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
♀ 42551
Member # 42551
Default  Posted: 2:24 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say you try and offer support in person. This coworker may feel less able to vent and post their innermost thoughts if they think someone they know is reading it.

Never looking back with longing. Always looking forward with hope.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say to not intrude. Boundaries are important on all sides and as well meaning as you may be this co-worker may not see it as such. Don't take anyone's safe place from them. If you are invited in it is one thing but this is not being invited, especially if this is someone you are not that friendly with to begin with. Allow them to heal or reach out as they please and within the I limits.

Madhatter. Separated.

"You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace." Ernie Banks

Posts: 3514 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ 41347
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Too dangerous if they are of the opposite sex. You don't know for sure so I wouldn't talk in person. Send a PM of advice and that's it.

Read how affairs begin and analyze your boundaries.

I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...

Posts: 1044 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
confused girl
♀ 10649
Member # 10649
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a hard situation but I know I would be horrified if a coworker said something to me about finding me on here. This is where I go to be totally private. It could cause great anxiety at work, too.

While I appreciate that you want to offer support, you can offer that support here without bringing work into it.

Love always hopes.

Posts: 1424 | Registered: May 2006
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that you can post here in support of them without knowing for sure who they are IRL. Let them keep their privacy but be supportive.

DD-March 2010
Unremorseful for 3.5 years
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he can't meet them.

Posts: 4534 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Secrets Kept
♀ 40630
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the topic line you state "friend". If this person is really a "friend" they may like the chance to have someone understanding what they are going thru IRL!?!?!

I have referred a friend here whose WH has had A's on her in the past couple of years. We are truly friends & I have no problem with her being on SI. We both know each others stories anyway so it's not really anything new to each other.

How you go about asking is a totally different sitch though. Do you know if this person or friend has infidelity in their past & if so, maybe just casually mention how you found such a great site & throw SI's name out there. If they don't immediately respond, they may want to keep the secret. Otherwise they will probably come back to you later like my friend & state what a great site you referred them to, etc.

Difficult knowing what to do so I doubt I was much help to you.

Marriage #1=BW-47 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
Unknown BH-45 Me-WW-47
2 kids together-DS15 & DD13
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 247 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
Member # 42750
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think what I would do is send them a brief PM saying who I was, who I thought they were and letting them know if I was right and they wanted support IRL then I'm here. I'd leave it at that. If they didn't respond or said it wasn't who I thought it was I'd assume either I was wrong or they weren't comfortable with me knowing.

me: BH 36
Her: WW 28

Married 5 years. Dating 9. Living together 8.

If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world

- Harry Chapin

Posts: 863 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
♀ 38141
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I would not say anything. My thought is if a friend (not acquaintance) wanted me to know about the affair, they would tell me and I would not break their safe place here.

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure

Posts: 659 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am pretty open in my personal life about my being on this site. I refer people here all the time. If a friend of mine is on here, it's probably because I told them about it.

That said, some people are just very private.

You could send a PM and the person can choose to answer or not.

Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49483 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
♀ 35593
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would freak out if a coworker or friend contacted me here. I need my privacy to vent and post. I really think it would cause me to shut down or seriously edit myself and I need SI to be private.
I would not open that door for all of your sakes.

Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.

Posts: 2238 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Topic Posts: 11

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