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charliboy321 posted 3/18/2014 04:29 AM

i have realised that me and WH are our parents so to speak.

i am my mum.My dad left my mum for his LTA when I was about 5 years old. He moved in with the OW and his 2 other children, he then cut us out of his life. i think we saw him about 3 times whilst growing up. My mum was left with 5 children, she did an amazing job bringing us up on her own. She never had another relationship again. She loved my dad till the day she passed away.Which is very sad she had a lot of love to give but chose to give that love to her children and grandchildren.

WH is his dad. His dad had an affair with a co-worker when WH was 8,he moved in with the OW for about 2 months then went back to MIL. They moved home and started again. WH never forgave his dad for hurting him and MIL. MIL took FIl back but I dont think she truly forgave him, they are still together but i think they rugswept and thats what she expected me to do.

Going back to my dad, when my mum passed away I was 30,and he somehow found out about her passing and sent flowers to the funeral ,and through a family member got hold of our contact details. He contacted us asking for contact, i hadnt heard anything from him since i was 13, but i was intrigued so i allowed the contact. I then found out he had 2 other children from his first OW but had also left that family for yet another OW. Thats how his life continued till the day he died 2 years ago. broken relationships always looking for someone else. He had 7 children, (there could be more)yet he only had contact with me and 1 from my family and 1 from the OW.
he died a lonely man, it was only as his health deteriorated that he felt remorse, but that was probably feeling sorry for himself as he knew he was dying and would have no one by his side.So sad.

At his funeral, 5 of his children were there and only 1 friend. it was strange meeting the 2 other children as i knew that they were born whilst he was living with us. They grew up knowing about his family but we didnt know about them. yet i now have a nice friendship with my half sister, i dont ask questions about her life with my dad,as it isnt her fault how our lives panned out. There was only 1 person responsible for that.

so im living my mums pathway 1 i never wanted and 1 I certainly didnt want for my children, yet the same is true in my case that there is only 1 persons actions responsbile for how my life turned out.
Yet I also know that its only me that can make sure the rest of my life dont follow the same path as my mums. and i cant wait for whatever path my life takes. Looking forward to the new life that awaits me.

sorry fr rambling not asking for anything really just putting my observations out there.

Bluebird26 posted 3/18/2014 05:14 AM

((CB321))

I'm sorry about the loss of your parents.

Take heart in the fact that you had a great role model in your mum. I hope your kids follow in your footsteps too.

My exwh has followed in his parents footsteps sadly. I am hoping my kids follow mine though and the cycle stops. But in the end it is all about choices.

bigskyblues posted 3/18/2014 05:18 AM

cb321, I too was married for 22+ years and have moved on with my life.

Looking forward to the new life that awaits me.

I am so glad to see that you are at this point as I can tell you my choice to move on was definitely the right choice. My SO and I have been together for about 17 months. I now enjoy a relationship where I feel like I get as much back as I put into it.

I have 4 kids (two are step kids from xw) and she has 2 kids (all of them are grown adults) and we all get along very well. My SO also has a grandson (almost 3) that is my best little buddy and such a joy for us.

Best wishes for you and your children in your new beginning!

BSB

nowiknow23 posted 3/18/2014 16:25 PM

((((charliboy))))

charliboy321 posted 3/19/2014 03:24 AM

BLUEBIRD26 thank you for your kind words, this has been made harder without my mum by my side, i too hope my kids follow in my footsteps and i hope your kids follow yours too so we can break the cycle. DS is so much like WH, and he commented that he hoped he didnt turn out like his dad and grandad, i pointed out to him that its a choice they both made and if he was ever in that situation it would be his choice what to do about it.

BIGSKYBLUES i hope i can find the same as you what a wonderful life you have made for yourself. i hold on to the hope that i can meet someone who will put in as much as i do. WH used to treat me like that until he changed what changed him only he knows. none of us are perfect but we all have the choice to stay faithful or not.

NOWIKNOW23 thank you for your hugs.