Talked with our MC about it and she kind of suggested we NOT tell, that no matter what the OW is doing it is the responsibility of the husband to do what is right - without a "heads up".
While this is true, I still don't feel totally comfortable with it. The MC said, for example, in her profession part of patient confidentiality means that if they have a patient who is HIV positive and admits to having unprotected sex with someone, they can't reveal that info. The expectation is, the person having sex with them knows the inherent risk in having unprotected sex, and so shoulders the burden of responsibility for themselves. While I see this, if I knew of this situation (not as a a health care prof) I would TELL TELL TELL!!!
I even said, you know it's possible that nothing will ever be done, that the OW will never decide to make a move or whatever, or that if she does the husband will do the right thing and let her no she is out of line, then tell his wife. (Like I told my hu
BUT, I just can't help thinking, "what if someone saw things happening with the OW and my H like this?" (he admits he got the "feeling" from her immediately after meeting her that she was available if he wanted) That from the time we met them in May, while she was sitting in the bleachers with me while our spouses coached, and riding with me to games, and talking about my daughter with me, and texting with me, that she "let him know" she was interested from the very beginning.
He said he really didn't see it for what it was at the time because 1. she was in a lesbian relationship, and 2. he just didn't think about things becoming real. If someone around new about her past behavior, and told me, I know I wouldn't have thought my husband would EVER do anything, even if she threw herself at him! BUT, I might have trusted my spidey sense when I had that feeling at the VERY beginning of the EA, and could have splashed some cold water on him before things really happened.
I told the MC, that yes, people are responsible for their own actions, and they should understand the dangers, and what is right and wrong, sure. But if I see someone ready to walk out on ice, and I know it might too thin, don't I tell them? If someone is getting ready to go swimming, and I know there have been sharks spotted in the area, don't I say something?
That's how I feel about this. There might not be anything going on now, and maybe nothing ever would have. But don't you warn someone of "possible" danger?
I'm starting to think that an anonymous text or letter is the way to go. I'm not usually the "anonymous" type of person. If I have something to say, I take ownership. In this case, I do want to warn them, but I just DON"T want to deal with any MORE right now.