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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Nexted...by text, ffs
nutmegkitty
♀ 33882
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I had been dating this guy from OLD, and we were getting on GREAT. The chemistry was unbeliveable, he was kind, very, very smart, and no drama. He treated me so well.
So he had to go overseas on business at the beginng of Februay, and his texting didn't work overseas, so we began to email.
The emails were amazing. We got to know each other on a whole new level.
When he got back, he came over literally right off the plane to see me. Everything was great. I seriously was head over heels for this guy, and it seemed he was the same.

Well, he had a guys weekend planned so off he went. then, the next weekend he had a skiing weekend planned. so off he went again. Now, we had been texting during the weeks.

Well, the Sunday he was to get home from skiing I texted asking how things went. And I got a text saying he had reconnected with an old gf who had recently separated the previous two weeknds and was now seeing her.

Out of the fucking blue. Some dumb bitch went and stole my man. I was so, so hurt. let's count the things that are wrong here shall we? A gf from more than 10 years ago (based on how long he was married to his ex wife and the time he has been divorced)??? An old gf who haas RECENTLY SEPARATED???? Um, RED FLAG. MESSY. DRAMA. JUST NO.

Am I crazy in thinking this is totally out of character for him??? I just seems so - NOT HIM. Not something he would do. (and yes, I know, he did do it, he showed me who he is. But it was so not the man I had come to know. it's jsut so off.)

So I'm really sad. I've had other friends tell me this is a fling and won't last and he'll come asking my way again. I don't know. My head knows I can't live my life waiting on him but right now my heart jsut wants to wait till this crazy spell of his blows over...

Who does shit like that? I gues the spark of an old flame is pretty strong. I don't know, I've never experienced that. But that spark is based on what ONCE was, not what IS today.

Thanks for listening. I've been stewing on this for a week now and it was making me crazy.



me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2624 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
shiloe
♀ 1224
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what to say . . . .I am so sorry he hurt you. I am guessing you guys were in the still dating stage and did not agree to exclusivity? Who even knows if he told the truth about an old gf?? He obviously still had a "still-shopping around" mindset.

Go crickets on him. You don't need that kind of treatment.

Who does shit like that?

Lots and lots of men do this. That's why it is best to hold back, try not too get too invested and think ahead, protect your heart. I know its hard to do when chemistry, feelings and hope get in the way.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 665 | Registered: Mar 2003
nutmegkitty
♀ 33882
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did go crickets on him, no worries there.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2624 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
nutmegkitty
♀ 33882
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know its hard to do when chemistry, feelings and hope get in the way.

Damn, that is right on. All three factors were at play in this case.

No, we were not exclusive, although I had planned on asking him next time we saw each other in person. Oops, too late for that now.

It never occurred to me that he wouldn't tell me the truth. How niave am I Sigh.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2624 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he comes crawling back, it's your turn to next him.

Clearly he doesn't know how to value the right things.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you know for sure that he had a guys weekend one weekend, and a skiing weekend the next weekend, and that both of these weekends did not involve a woman?

Sorry, but I smell fish. 2 weekends away in a row like that, and then he dumps you?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's really crummy (((nutmeg))).


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3578 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
nutmegkitty
♀ 33882
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My post was not worded well.

The guys weekend and skiing weekend were pre planned with friends of his. I guess this woman (did I mention she is recently separated???) is friends with those friends and I suspect they invited her along. Now I am wondering if he knew she was going to be there all along :( That would really be sucky of him.

I guess I've had my "bad OLD experience" cherry popped. Go me.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2624 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Charity411
♀ 41033
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with sparkysable. First the overseas trip followed by two weekends away. I know you are angry but I don't know it's exactly fair to call this mystery old flame a dumb bitch. I don't think you know the whole story yet. I wouldn't be surprised if he has more than one OLD relationship. Or possibly even a wife.

Posts: 413 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
nutmegkitty
♀ 33882
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know he def didnt' ahve a wife. I'd been to his house - no trace of a wife or any female for that matter. And the work trip was legit, he mentioned that to me back in December and it had been on the books since then.


Just sucks how duplicitous he was. :( Thanks for letting me vent.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2624 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
InnerLight
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry! This must really hurt like hell. What a disappointment!

I can't imagine trusting him if he does come crawling back.

((((NMK))))))


BS, now age 54, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5959 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

uggg. That sucks.

But, the flag to me was that you were not exclusive. If it doesn't go exclusive pretty quickly, then there is an issue.

I'd bet the new girlfriend doesn't know about you…but there is no way I'd be someone's second choice. Crawling back or not…you will struggle to trust him. He already doesn't' value you enough to hold you in "first place"…time to work on moving forward.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4284 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Catwoman
♀ 1330
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, if you hadn't had the exclusive talk, both of you are free to do whatever with whomever. And it sucks rotten eggs big time.

But really, this isn't directly attributable to OLD. It is people being humans and straying over into jerk territory.

I know it is really rough right now. Been there. More than once. But in doing so, you learn so much about yourself, what you want, what you don't want . . . It really does one day meld into something understandable.

If it is any consolation, the newly separated thing is likely to sink under its own emotional weight. Remember you (and any of us) at two weeks out? I think I cried during Jiffy Lube commercials. And memories of relationships are, at best, faulty. He won't be getting the good end of this deal, and by the time he realizes that, you won't want him.

Cry, rant and heal. In that order.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29739 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
fireproof
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry but he doesn't sound like he was ready.

Maybe it is because I was blown out of the water like many of us but I want to be with someone who couldn't think about doing this to me.

The reality is sometimes we don't even know ourselves and the amount we have healed and our personal desires come into the picture.

I would next him if he comes back in your life because he has work to do (in my opinion).

Focus on how you felt, the feeling came back, etc. and I hope you feel that again but without this guy and his ending.


Posts: 1108 | Registered: Jul 2012
risingfromashes
♀ 3903
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sucks! But I also think something sounds fishy. How can any of us here be surprised at someone will do?
Wish I had advice for you. Well I do...If he shows up again do not give him the time of day.


There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1730 | Registered: Mar 2004
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When people show you who they are....and this guy just showed you he is a jerkface deceitful by omission poopyhead fricker.

You wondered if it was totally out of character for him...apparently not. You asked, who does shit like this? People you don't want to be in a relationship with, that's who.

So sorry nutmegkitty!
ugh, just ugh.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3267 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Nutmeg))

I'm sorry. What a fucking jagoff.

He'll be back. Crickets to him.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7866 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((nutmeg))))


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26516 | Registered: Aug 2011
PhoenixRisen
35912
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((nutmeg)))
yes he was kinda an a$$
so crickets to him and move one

BUT I'm more worried about YOU. You said it's out of character for him, yet that was his behavior... was that similar to your NPD ex? -NPDs are notorious for presenting their false sense but then having awful behavior that also "seems out of character" when in reality that IS their character.

His message to you that she "recently separated" could be him putting a spin on the story and justified his poor behavior because in reality he may have been multidating (you AND her) and opted to go with her instead.

I'm also worried that you blame HER and call her names - when it's all about HIM! - call him names (just post it here on SI and don't text him! he gets crickets!)


Posts: 510 | Registered: Jun 2012
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sucks Nutmeg - I'm so sorry you are hurting.

What bothers me about this is - how to you meet up with an old girlfriend during a "guys' weekend...?
And to next you by text after seeing each other for a few months - even if it was declared exclusive - that is inconsiderate.

When he comes crawling back - have other plans!

((Nutmeg))


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4171 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 28
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