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So yesterday was a "sad" day for me. They're not as bad, even only being 4 months out, but I do feel the depression. I just want to do nothing but escape into a General Hospital marathon and at the same time, not motivated to do anything else, answer the telephone, and even have to force myself to leave to pick up the kids from school. I started going to the gym in January, in fact, it's our M, T, Th, and Fr morning date which has really really been nice. I went to the gym again last night when he took our son to baseball practice...it actually helped me feel a little better. He went to dinner with his Bible Study men's group and when he got back he realized he lost his wedding ring. Well, it's actually a replacement as his was breaking on the bottom of the band and mine had already been replaced so I surprised him two Christmases ago with the new one to match mine. He even went back to the restaurant to look for it. Losing his ring made me even sadder and got me thinking...maybe it was a sign. When he returned having not found it I asked him it he had worn it when he'd see her (It was an EA, kissing, hugging, hand holding only...and only at the office - she worked for him). He said probably.

Then and there I decided, maybe not a sign, but a blessing in disguise. While he swears up and down he never wanted to leave me, when I gave him that replacement ring, I didn't know he really didn't want it or care to have it. I basically meant nothing to him. He was already a year into paving the way for his A. And then of course he was wearing it while with her. I told him I felt it's better left unfound and maybe we should find him a new one that will mean something...what was intended, not something that carried such negativity as I realized that ring had now become a symbol of.

So yesterday was a "sad" day for me.  They're not as bad, even only being 4 months out, but I do feel the depression. I just want to do nothing but escape into a General Hospital marathon and at the same time, not motivated to do anything else, answer the telephone, and even have to force myself to leave to pick up the kids from school.  I started going to the gym in January, in fact, it's our M, T, Th, and Fr morning date which has really really been nice.  I went to the gym again last night when he took our son to baseball practice...it actually helped me feel a little better.  He went to dinner with his Bible Study men's group and when he got back he realized he lost his wedding ring. Well, it's actually a replacement as his was breaking on the bottom of the band and mine had already been replaced so I surprised him two Christmases ago with the new one to match mine. He even went back to the restaurant to look for it. Losing his ring made me even sadder and got me thinking...maybe it was a sign.  When he returned having not found it I asked him it he had worn it when he'd see her (It was an EA, kissing, hugging, hand holding only...and only at the office - she worked for him).  He said probably.

Then and there I decided, maybe not a sign, but a blessing in disguise.  While he swears up and down he never wanted to leave me, when I gave him that replacement ring, I didn't know he really didn't want it or care to have it. I basically meant nothing to him.  He was already a year into paving the way for his A.  And then of course he was wearing it while with her.  I told him I felt it's better left unfound and maybe we should find him a new one that will mean something...what was intended, not something that carried such negativity as I realized that ring had now become a symbol of.

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