Am I overreacting?
Um, NO. Your husband is having an affair. There is no response that qualifies as overreacting. Some are illegal but I would argue could be construed as justifiable for the lying, cheating, WS's.
Part of me feels like it's pointless to talk to him about all this stuff because he's still talking to her. Am I wrong?
Nope again. He is still having an affair. It is like negotiating with a terrorist. What is the point? This ends one way or another when you say it ends. Her or you. He needs to make a choice and be a man. Do not allow him to have his cake and eat it too. He hasn't had to make a decision so why would he?
Time for you to take the power back. He doesn't get to call the shots unless you let him.
You or her. If it is you then NC immediately. If the OW is married her spouse is told by X date. If she won't do it then you do it. Nothing ends an affair faster than bringing all the ugliness to light.
Stay strong and do the 180 and start working on a better you.
You are a far better and more deserving person than he is and that knowledge while a cold comfort now will prove a lasting one.
Thank you for the support! You absolutely nailed it when you said;
I know it's so overwhelming when reminders of your old life are all around you and yet it is suddenly so far away.
It feels like two worlds coming together; one familiar and comforting, the other strange, scary and too confusing to navigate. I feel like being here and meeting so many kind friends has given me pieces of the map that show just the first couple steps. I can't see the whole layout, but I know where my first destination is. I can't thank you all enough.
If you can, I would tell the AP's spouse now about the A. Burst that fantasy bubble they're in.
This affair rollercoaster ride we all have found ourselves on without our consent is one tough ride. The highs are high; the lows are low and hang on around the corners but you CAN and WILL get off eventually.
It is still new, your likely to feel many things over the course of the next month/years.
Allow yourself to be happy, mad, sad, pissed and hopeful all at once and then the next minute resolved to not really caring at that particular point. All normal and healthy. Coming from someone that is certifiable herself.
Good luck and keep moving forward.