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Closing in on 1 yr Post DDay, why do I have doubts?

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Brokenhearted49 posted 3/19/2014 05:19 AM

I can truly say that I love and am in love with my husband. His character was always a big attraction for me. I was shocked and heartbroken when he confessed to a six month EA/PA with my "best friend" and my daughter's Godmother, but he has been the model FWH, was very forthcoming and clear that he wanted our marriage to work. For the first 4 months post Dday, he was incredibly attentive and thoughtful. Our physical relationship was like when we first were together and I felt loved. As the months went on, he has become less interested in physical intimacy and only dutifully affectionate. I feel like he's kissing his mother every morning when he leaves for work. I've broached the subject multiple times and he keeps reassurring me that he finds me attractive and that if I;m not getting what I need to speak up. He keeps reminding me that he's not as young as he was. (well it didn't stop him from sleeping with my best friend when he was 54!) I feel more and more lonely each day. I have allowed the situation to make me feel unattractive and unappealing. The last time I told him that I felt self-conscious of initiating intimacy and he told me I just had to get over it. Since then, Ive kept mum. The last thing I want to look like is some insipid, weak, insecure wife whining for attention.

He is perfectly happy with his life. He has this burden off his shoulders and he's completely moved on. I can tell he gets impatient with me that I'm not "over it". I am seeing a therapist but maybe we need to go to marriage counseling. I'm harboring a growing sense of resentmentt against him for being so cavalier about the whole thing. In his opinion, he is so over it, why can't I be. Unfortunately, he cant understand how, even after a year, its the first thought I have in the morning and the last thought in the evening. He has no idea the emotional torture the affair has caused me. I'm no longer my care free, confident self. I feel broken and exhausted. Does anyone have any insights?

steadfast1973 posted 3/19/2014 08:30 AM

has he read "How to help your spouse heal from your affair"? Of not, he needs to... if he has, he needs to read it again.

MindMonkey posted 3/19/2014 08:50 AM

You've been heard. I was thinking of posting my own topic as A season is approaching for me.

IMO he can't be "over it" AND remorseful.

You know those human interest stories they play when they broadcast the IRONMAN every year. A story of a woman or man who lost a leg due to some horrific accident and has overcome great challanges to compete in such a watershed event. Now imagine if that limb were lost due to the deliberate action of another human. The very same human that sleeps in your bed next to you.

Forgive the crude analogy, but you have a prosthetic leg. Your WH took your leg. Even if you win the IRONMAN and get a speacial interest story told about you (which arguably would have never happened if your husband hadn't taken your leg), you'de still prefer to have two working legs right? Your H shouldn't be able to get over it. Ever.

Now ask me why any athlete would still associate with the criminal that blew their leg off. I am still trying to answer that myself.

IsthereEVERanend posted 3/19/2014 20:21 PM

A great analogy. I would be so bold as to suggest that the OP's husband is still in the affair or is covering for some new extracurricular activity. Maybe its possible that he is just an inconsiderate a**h***.
Sending my heartfelt consolations to the OP. I'm so sorry.

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