I'm sorry you're not getting what you need. Have you spelled it out, plainly, exactly what you want from him?
I am also open to hearing about his feelings, sometimes it's hard for me but I can see how much it helps him and that is very important to me. It also helps to make it more like a "team".
Your most recent DDay is still pretty fresh, maybe he'll get there? Is he in IC?
And what's COSA?
Married 5 years. Dating 9. Living together 8.
If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world
- Harry Chapin
Is your H in 12 steps? It took my H a while after gaining sobriety to also gain some new coping skills. He's still new on his journey, so we are learning as we go.
[This message edited by Jls0320 at 12:34 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]
I hope it's okay that I answer your question in general here, since I'm already writing here. :) I went to S-ANON for a while. I found it helpful to help me really come to terms with the fact that I can't control his addiction. I stopped going more because of my own anxiety issues. It could be that you need to deal with the trauma first, which IC is good for. Some spouses of SAs just don't find 12 steps helped them as much. I think it's difficult to know when we're making excuses to resist healing and when something is genuinely not helping you. I hope you find a recovery path that's right for you!
[This message edited by sadone29 at 1:03 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]
Currently can't think of anything. Which speaks volumes.
The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995