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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: Can't Stop Looking
LostSamurai
♂ 41347
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since my wife's affair(s) have come to light, I can not stop looking at the phone bills and seeing all the repeated numbers. It is driving me crazy, and feels like a pit in my stomach. I get notified of the bills and I go look constantly now.

I think to myself, how could I been so foolish in not checking these. And to see the amount of time and effort she put in, and the long conversations all through the hours, and while she is supposed to be at work...

I think I am going to print them out and put them in my folder of affairs.

Anyone else do this? It's like I keep revisiting the crime scene.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
longnightmare
♀ 42656
Member # 42656
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do the same thing... as much as it hurts me and humiliatesme all over again, I feel like a private detective still compiling evidence sometimes :-( it is usually only when there is a big trigger, or I feel like history is repeating itself, that I become a woman possessed. I don't know if it ever fully goes away, we are 3 years out from Dday and still trying to work on things, but maybe after the trust begins to rebuild those urges will die off! I don't know about your WS situation, but I hope u can find some peace with things soon!

Posts: 86 | Registered: Mar 2014
LostSamurai
♂ 41347
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

6 months from Dday, WW hasn't done anything to earn trust. Still separated. Just talk and that's it. I feel like I have to look and the next step is to go get a copy of text history from the phone company. Sprint sends it all on a disk.

I will ask from the end of this month to the beginning of the phone bill list.

Then I will look at how long the conversations were. I am upset, that she would complain all those times, she was tired and now I know. She is up late texting and calling, probably sexting and here I am going to work, putting the baby to bed and she is carrying on with these two numbskulls...

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 12:50 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
longnightmare
♀ 42656
Member # 42656
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I'm sure the text message logs will tell you a lot, if not everything you want to know... is she not wanting to R?

Posts: 86 | Registered: Mar 2014
LostSamurai
♂ 41347
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I don't know where her mind is anymore. I doubt she want's to do R, because that means hardwork, like giving up passwords and getting rid of things.

The text messages are not specific. If I went to a lawyer and had them requested it, then they would be down to the nitty gritty.

Too be fair, she has said she thought about coming home and trying, but somehow I just don't see her putting in the effort, because she is very insensitive to my feelings at this point.

She wants to be happy and safe she said...

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 12:54 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Unagie
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LS when you say text messages do you mean the content? I was pretty sure no cell phone company gave out the content without court order due to privacy laws and many don't store content at all. I work for a cell phone company and we're not even allowed to say a phone number you called listed on your account due to privacy laws. Please don't set your expectations high to receive nothing but a disc with times and dates and no content.

As for you looking over and over I did it. It took effort to stop. A lot of effort, I just got tired of constantly hurting.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss


Posts: 2813 | Registered: Oct 2012
Hannah25
♀ 42198
Member # 42198
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am doing the same thing. I forwarded all his emails and FB chats to myself on DDay, and I can't stop looking at them, even though it makes me feel so much worse. Maybe I should delete them, but I just can't.


ME: 35
WBF: 44
Together 11 years
DDay: 1/12/14
DDay2: 3/28/14

Posts: 65 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Ohio
Jls0320
♀ 41192
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I had printed all the phone records, craigslist ads etc and still look at them on occasion. It's so painful but I can't seem to look away


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, sex addict, then 12 mos EA/2 mos PA with co-worker whore
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2014, 1/26/14, 7/28/14 broke NC, 8/7/14 (papers served that day) 2 mos PA began. Separated, R during divorce?

Posts: 531 | Registered: Nov 2013
longnightmare
♀ 42656
Member # 42656
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Neither can I Hannah! I have saved FB conversations between them, found an SD card with pictures of AP on it and saved them (as much as seeing her instantly makes me nauseous) and have many screenshots saved on my phone from when the second AP contacted me and told me everything! All of these things hurt me just thinking about them, and make me feel like I'm right back at Dday when I look at them, but I cannot get rid of it!!!

Posts: 86 | Registered: Mar 2014
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In false R, we recovered his text messages, and honestly, now I wish I hadn't read all that garbage. Or seen the sexting pics.

I think it's shock from what happened, and you are trying to find evidence and make sense of it all.. I went through credit card statements too, and found plenty of answers there as well.. :-(

But once you decide you aren't putting up with someone not fully committed to you, then I would suggest moving on and stop digging for more pain. At some point, what you've found and how they are acting should be enough to stop torturing yourself. You decide when you've had enough..

Hugs...


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
RightTrack
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is a normal stage. I went through the phone bills and noted every call and time of call on my calendar so I could match it up with what was going on in my life. Somehow I felt like this gave me some control over things, I could see what was going on with him in the context of my life. I even used this to send him a number of angry emails, ex: " Really? You called her five times during our five year old's cub scout birthday party?" or "So that's why you had to keep stepping out during my cancer surgery recovery!"

He needed to know what a scumbag he'd been too. I kept the calendar. I don't get it out too often anymore.


Posts: 658 | Registered: Sep 2012
lovehatelove
♀ 42541
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 4:31 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate.....

I had some screenshots of the hundreds and hundreds of pages of conversations between OW and WH.. including some cyber sex I kept them for a long time, and I too could not get the courage to delete them....

I didn't save these screen shots to my email or anything.. I JUST had them on my phone...

about 6 months ago, I dropped my phone in the toilet and ALLLL the screen shots I had of their conversations were gone...! I had nothing to look at anymore that told me their affair was real.....

I wanted to be the one to delete the screen shots.. I wanted to be strong enough to do it myself!!!!

now I am kind of glad they are gone... it just made me cry every time I looked at them... I was pain shopping for no other reason than to hurt myself even more


DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 12

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