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jackie89 (original poster member #38271) posted at 8:44 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
So I'm going to a weekend spiritual retreat this weekend -(can't hurt in my healing process) - STBXH went to this in September. So family members are asked to write a letter that would help us with our healing, and apparently STBXH was asked to write one to me. We share one email account, and he sent it via that email account. I happen to check at the wrong time and saw an email acknowledging that they had received it,and the letter he wrote me. At this time, I'm glad I'm going to this retreat, and I know, that I will not open this letter, as it will undoo any healing I have done at that point.
What an asshole! What a great opportunity for him to write a heart felt apology, acknowledging all the hurt he has put me through.. and this is what he writes? What do you think?
Dear Jackie89
I hope this has been a good experience for you!
You are a excellent Woman and mother for DS And DD!
You are a loving person, I am so Sorry not taking full advantage of your love for me, in the good times and bad. Sorry for saying that, this is about you not me!
I hope you will find Peace and Love in this three days
Love
[This message edited by jackie89 at 2:47 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]
dmari ( member #37215) posted at 8:49 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
Enjoy your spiritual retreat this weekend. If you MUST open this letter during the retreat, perhaps burning it or doing SOMETHING to it will be healthy for you. You are deserving of much much much more than this pathetic letter. I can't wait to hear about the weekend!!
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 8:52 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
What a jackwagon!
Here's a response you could send:
Dear ShitBox,
F*ck you and the whore you rode in on.
I don't give a rat's tiny little ass about anything you have to say. If I thought that having a good experience here would make you happy or bring you any comfort, I would have a horrible time on purpose.
I hope you will piss up a rope and leave me the hell alone.
Love,
Jackie
But that might not really fit in with the whole spiritual thing. 
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
sparkysable ( member #3703) posted at 9:17 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
WeepingBuddhist ( member #39139) posted at 9:20 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
Sounds OK to me. You are divorcing, right? He wants this to be a good experience for you and wants you to find peace.
Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14
Faithful w/Love ( member #33128) posted at 9:35 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
I am so Sorry not taking full advantage of your love for me,
To me this sounds "poor me". For some reason it sounds so SELFISH! He did take your love and stomped on it. He had your love! It should have said this " I am so not taking the time to see how much I love you and did to you. I took full advantage of your love and threw it in your face".
BS(ME)41 WH(HIM)38
DD 21 and DS 16
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 10:20 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
Why on earth did they ask HIM to write a letter? He is no longer your family. I'd be asking them to exclude him from this process for you.
Do they know what this guy has been up to? Do they do exorcisms?
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
jackie89 (original poster member #38271) posted at 10:53 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
Thank You you are the best group of people!!
So some background, I filed for divorce almost 3 years ago - because he wouldn't let go of OW or commit to R. So I filed. He then promised me the world, all lies - False R . OW has long moved on - and we have been separated for 2 years.
To this day, he has not even consulted a lawyer, "because he still believes that we are getting back together" every 2-3 months - he comes back and says the usual "I fucked up.. blah blah" but shows me no real remorse, and expects me to change. 
I have not pursued finalizing the divorce because his health insurance is really good and if I need to get my own - it will cost me a lot of money just for me. so I'll hang on until I have to.
SBB - His Cousin whom I love is involved in this retreat, and she along with all of his family think that he's gone crazy and would love nothing more than us getting back together. So She was the one (with good intentions) that asked him to write a letter. which could help in my healing. Obiviously not!
Thank you HFSSC for making me laugh 
For some reason it sounds so SELFISH! He did take your love and stomped on it. He had your love
^^^ that's exactly what I thought!
[This message edited by jackie89 at 4:56 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 11:45 PM on Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
If his cousin loved you she would tell you you deserve better.
My friends/family also had to be told several times that NC means NC - no news or tidbits about him. They weren't trying to get us together, they were reminding me of what a colossal fuckwit he is. NC is for you and you need to enforce those boundaries with them. Firmly if need be.
Please do this for your own sanity - you simply won't be able to heal if you keep allowing him to throw these grandes at you.
He doesn't need to participate in the D - you can forge ahead without him. 3 years!!
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
jackie89 (original poster member #38271) posted at 3:09 AM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014
SBB - no I have not enforced those boundaries with his family, because they never turned their back on me. I think I'm afraid that once I do that I would loose them, which will happen as I move on.
I hope I get something out of this retreat, and I'll find a good usd for this stupid letter 
thenon-goddess ( member #31229) posted at 3:10 AM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014
I honestly think I'd find a new retreat. What an ass!
That aside - it's maybe time for separate e-mail accounts?
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 5:16 AM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014
I'll find a good usd for this stupid letter
Some things that come to mind:
Toilet paper (but it's probably rough and would be uncomfortable)
Bird cage filler
Kitty litter box
Dog training spot
Notice a pattern at all? 
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
LoveHerStill ( member #31504) posted at 9:52 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014
A retreat with an activity to reflect and take time to craft a letter from the heart sounds great. Problem is, this is not a letter, it is a short note. This note is selfish. He did not take advantage of your love? Who takes advantage of love? A selfish person, that's who.
I am sorry that you had to see this pathetic attempt at a letter. If this is representative of his efforts to reconcile, you are better off without him.
God bless us all.
Me BH-45 @ Dday
Her WW-44 @ Dday
Married-20yrs
Together-26yrs
D-Day 4/11/10
Divorced 9/13/2010
XWW Married OM 5/23/2011
It only hurts when I breathe.
jackie89 (original poster member #38271) posted at 11:29 PM on Monday, March 24th, 2014
I just wanted to let you all know that this retreat was just what I needed.
Full of inspirational stories from beautiful women, faith renewal, lots of food, lots of crying, lots of sharing, lots laughing and meeting new friends.
A unique experience to say the least. If anyone, men or women would like information of this retreat, PM me anytime.
As for his letter, I talked about with my table and some of them agreed with my point of view - very selfish. Some thought I could be interpreting it wrong. Regardless, I'm in a good place, still high on this Retreat bubble and I'm just letting it go, it's out of my hands.
Thank you for all your support.
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