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Letter from Stbxh

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jackie89 posted 3/19/2014 14:44 PM

So I'm going to a weekend spiritual retreat this weekend -(can't hurt in my healing process) - STBXH went to this in September. So family members are asked to write a letter that would help us with our healing, and apparently STBXH was asked to write one to me. We share one email account, and he sent it via that email account. I happen to check at the wrong time and saw an email acknowledging that they had received it,and the letter he wrote me. At this time, I'm glad I'm going to this retreat, and I know, that I will not open this letter, as it will undoo any healing I have done at that point.

What an asshole! What a great opportunity for him to write a heart felt apology, acknowledging all the hurt he has put me through.. and this is what he writes? What do you think?

Dear Jackie89

I hope this has been a good experience for you!

You are a excellent Woman and mother for DS And DD!

You are a loving person, I am so Sorry not taking full advantage of your love for me, in the good times and bad. Sorry for saying that, this is about you not me!

I hope you will find Peace and Love in this three days


[This message edited by jackie89 at 2:47 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]

dmari posted 3/19/2014 14:49 PM

Enjoy your spiritual retreat this weekend. If you MUST open this letter during the retreat, perhaps burning it or doing SOMETHING to it will be healthy for you. You are deserving of much much much more than this pathetic letter. I can't wait to hear about the weekend!!

HFSSC posted 3/19/2014 14:52 PM

What a jackwagon!

Here's a response you could send:

Dear ShitBox,
F*ck you and the whore you rode in on.
I don't give a rat's tiny little ass about anything you have to say. If I thought that having a good experience here would make you happy or bring you any comfort, I would have a horrible time on purpose.

I hope you will piss up a rope and leave me the hell alone.


But that might not really fit in with the whole spiritual thing.

sparkysable posted 3/19/2014 15:17 PM

What an asshole!

WeepingBuddhist posted 3/19/2014 15:20 PM

Sounds OK to me. You are divorcing, right? He wants this to be a good experience for you and wants you to find peace.

Faithful w/Love posted 3/19/2014 15:35 PM

I am so Sorry not taking full advantage of your love for me,

To me this sounds "poor me". For some reason it sounds so SELFISH! He did take your love and stomped on it. He had your love! It should have said this " I am so not taking the time to see how much I love you and did to you. I took full advantage of your love and threw it in your face".

SBB posted 3/19/2014 16:20 PM

Why on earth did they ask HIM to write a letter? He is no longer your family. I'd be asking them to exclude him from this process for you.

Do they know what this guy has been up to? Do they do exorcisms?

jackie89 posted 3/19/2014 16:53 PM

Thank You you are the best group of people!!

So some background, I filed for divorce almost 3 years ago - because he wouldn't let go of OW or commit to R. So I filed. He then promised me the world, all lies - False R . OW has long moved on - and we have been separated for 2 years.

To this day, he has not even consulted a lawyer, "because he still believes that we are getting back together" every 2-3 months - he comes back and says the usual "I fucked up.. blah blah" but shows me no real remorse, and expects me to change.

I have not pursued finalizing the divorce because his health insurance is really good and if I need to get my own - it will cost me a lot of money just for me. so I'll hang on until I have to.

SBB - His Cousin whom I love is involved in this retreat, and she along with all of his family think that he's gone crazy and would love nothing more than us getting back together. So She was the one (with good intentions) that asked him to write a letter. which could help in my healing. Obiviously not!

Thank you HFSSC for making me laugh

For some reason it sounds so SELFISH! He did take your love and stomped on it. He had your love

^^^ that's exactly what I thought!

[This message edited by jackie89 at 4:56 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]

SBB posted 3/19/2014 17:45 PM

If his cousin loved you she would tell you you deserve better.

My friends/family also had to be told several times that NC means NC - no news or tidbits about him. They weren't trying to get us together, they were reminding me of what a colossal fuckwit he is. NC is for you and you need to enforce those boundaries with them. Firmly if need be.

Please do this for your own sanity - you simply won't be able to heal if you keep allowing him to throw these grandes at you.

He doesn't need to participate in the D - you can forge ahead without him. 3 years!!

jackie89 posted 3/19/2014 21:09 PM

SBB - no I have not enforced those boundaries with his family, because they never turned their back on me. I think I'm afraid that once I do that I would loose them, which will happen as I move on.

I hope I get something out of this retreat, and I'll find a good usd for this stupid letter

thenon-goddess posted 3/19/2014 21:10 PM

I honestly think I'd find a new retreat. What an ass!
That aside - it's maybe time for separate e-mail accounts?

HFSSC posted 3/19/2014 23:16 PM

I'll find a good usd for this stupid letter

Some things that come to mind:

Toilet paper (but it's probably rough and would be uncomfortable)

Bird cage filler

Kitty litter box

Dog training spot

Notice a pattern at all?

LoveHerStill posted 3/20/2014 15:52 PM

A retreat with an activity to reflect and take time to craft a letter from the heart sounds great. Problem is, this is not a letter, it is a short note. This note is selfish. He did not take advantage of your love? Who takes advantage of love? A selfish person, that's who.

I am sorry that you had to see this pathetic attempt at a letter. If this is representative of his efforts to reconcile, you are better off without him.

God bless us all.

jackie89 posted 3/24/2014 17:29 PM

I just wanted to let you all know that this retreat was just what I needed.

Full of inspirational stories from beautiful women, faith renewal, lots of food, lots of crying, lots of sharing, lots laughing and meeting new friends.

A unique experience to say the least. If anyone, men or women would like information of this retreat, PM me anytime.

As for his letter, I talked about with my table and some of them agreed with my point of view - very selfish. Some thought I could be interpreting it wrong. Regardless, I'm in a good place, still high on this Retreat bubble and I'm just letting it go, it's out of my hands.

Thank you for all your support.

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