he is in Florida, not to return until Saturday. he did not file his appearance to court.
I have 14 months of his bank statements showing he earns 3x what I do.
I have my financial affadavit showing that I am running $150 in the red weekly.
I have copies of email that I informed him and his response.
I have copies of email from ow #1 & #2.
I have his confession letter to affairs and lying to me thoughout our entire marriage and previous cheating on others.
I have copies of the texts that call me a whore, a slut, a liar and "I hope you are dead".
I think I have everything I might need. I am so happy he will not be there. I know that eventually I will have to face him but I guess this is like a practice run.
I just wish I felt confident, calm. I am a nervous wreck. I even took an antianxiety. I haven't taken one in weeks.
Just needed to get this out. I wish it was all over. As much as I really don't want this to be my life, it is, I have no other choice. He is who he is and I do not want someone like that in my life. Damn, I guess I wish he were someone else!
I guess by doing this it opens up the possibility for someone else in the future! Didn't think of it that way before.
I guess I am doing this for the possiblities of a better life, whatever that may be.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
I attempted R, he was a lie
This is it. The darkest day. The blackest hour. Chin up, shoulders back. Let's see what we're made of, you and I.
- The Doctor
Once I focused on the business and my L was there, it became easy. It's good to be prepared. And you sound like you're ready and organized.
You're going to do great. Remember, it's just business. Mostly about your kids and the effect his infidelity has on them. The court is adversarial but fair, and favors people who treat this as just business.
As my lawyer said about divorce (here in CA, but increasingly everywhere in the US), "think of it as just the unwinding of a business relationship".
Focus on the future, and the wonderful things that await you as a single woman.
I checked your About page. I think us CA SIers should try to organize a G2G to coincide with your next trip to CA. It's very nice out here, I don't want you triggering when you visit this awesome state. I know at some point I'm going to have to lug myself to the forest that triggers me as well.
[This message edited by GotPlayed at 5:24 PM, March 19th, 2014 (Wednesday)]
Thanks for the encouragement. I wish I had someone in real life to go with me, but I will think of all of you if I get really scared.
There are no children so that will not be discussed, only financial I think but I hope that I can let the court know the reason why it is irreconcilable.
I have everything documented.
I would love a trip to California again. I want to make some new memories. As far as triggers go I think my hometown is the worst. ow#1 works about a mile away and lives 2 blocks from one of my sons, ow#2 works at the bank down the street, next to the grocery store, I can see her in the drive thru window and she lives right near where I work, I have to drive by her street every day.
So, California, that is nothing. I have a friend in Berkeley that just invited me to visit.
Get planning that G2G! I might need donations for the plane ticket though! We'll see how it goes tomorrow.
I am so damn nervous, I would be a wreck if he was going to be there! I can't believe I got this lucky!
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
SI will be with you in spirit for sure. (((((((&strength))))))))
I am trying to remain strong. I am scared.
I know this is the only path for me to take, there is no other option if I want a better life.
Damn it pisses me off! This is not the life I wanted, chose or created!
I am just reacting, I hate that. I know the only one I can control is myself.
Just an emotional roller coaster tonight. This is making it all feel so real.
The crazy part is whenever I had to face something this scary, who did I lean on?
Now he is the enemy, the cause of this.
Now I am getting angry, maybe that is good.
cannot wait for this to be in the past.
Of course having prepared doesn't bring your emotions to calm and undisturbed, it doesn't negate the fear of change, the anxiety about the hearing. Maybe take another look in the fears vs reality thread if you haven't lately?
If you can, take a calming hot bubble bath tonight or light some nice scented candles, or have some ice cream from the fridge, or watch a favorite movie if you can't sleep.
This will be in the past soon. As SBB says someday this will just be something that happened to you.
Keep moving forward, one step at a time. You ARE strong--it doesn't mean not being scared, it means proceeding anyway and facing the demons. You will learn to lean on yourself in times of trouble, or on good trusted friends and family. Always on SI if you want
How did you get so damn smart???
Just kiddding. Thank you. You are right on point with this.
Yes I am taking control as much as I can.
Just letting my emotions take over tonight. I think I was due for it. I have been stuffing too much lately.
I will get through tomorrow. And then the next day until this is the past.
I wish I could tell you the right words but I have not gone to court yet myself. I understand your ambivalence of wanting it to be over yet not wanting this to be your life. Once you let go of this "life", you will be able to full heartedly open you arms for the next part of your life. It's going to be amazing but you need to close this chapter first.
You got this, cantaccept!
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
hugs and positive thoughts
Will definitely bring someone with me though. he will probably be there next time.
Going to nap now, wiped out.