I am a BS. I have been reading the "how to help your spouse heal from an affair" book. I wish I'd read it the day after DDay. I feel like we have several strikes against us. He did all the top 4 worst things to do when being discovered. 1. Leave with AP. 2. Leave but not with AP. 3. Stay but do nothing to heal. 4. Stay but do a haphazard attempt to heal. (the wayward feels he/she knows how to do it best with no help)
When confronted he immediately told me he wanted her not me. Didn't love me anymore, loved her. He agreed to go to MC but 6 weeks later after trying MC he said he didn't want anymore time with me, withdrew money from our account to pay for his L fees and proceeded to look for a place to live. When questioned said he didn't want her, he just wanted to get away from me, move on and get a life of his own. I didn't believe him and felt he had made arrangements with her to pretend for a while in MC and then say it wasnt working then go thru with the divorce and hook back up with her when enough time had passed, but he stuck with that story for quite a while. He never moved out (L told him not to), then 2 1/2 months (of pure torture for me while having to live with him knowing he was D me) later relented, said he loved me, wanted to work things out. Even then he wanted to "move past it", not talk about it, not reveal answers to details I asked for. 7 months later I discovered texts and pictures revealing that he had lied to me over and over for months about details. Had told me no as answers when he should have answered yes. He claims he did it to keep from hurting me although I insisted I needed truth and answers to my questions. I have been struggling. its been 15 months but Im still wondering if I want this marriage or not.
I encourage all BS to read this book as well as insist their waywards to read as well. It validated many of the things I've been feeling and helped me understand why I'm struggling so much to reconcile. He is doing a lot now, 15 months out, but I wonder if its enough of too little too late.
I appreciate any opinions or thoughts on this or any feelings you have in your own situation in conjuction with this book. Im trying to sort things out in my mind and wonder if we can make it or not.