Him: Lots of bad bad words
3 exceptional kids, d in heaven, 2 sons 18&19
married 26 years...no more to come
dday: april 10 2013 4pm
2 kids, 18 + 20
divorce is happening - it can't not
For your own good, I think you need to sit down and dig into why if you knew the marriage was over that you didn't formally end it instead of crossing this boundary and breaking your vow. Why did you act on what was convenient instead of what was right? When you are able to do this you will be able to grow and move forward.
because I know that you are hurt and were hurt and this growing and healing process will be tough but you can do it for you are a worthy person.
[This message edited by MovingUpward at 8:00 AM, March 20th (Thursday)]
I think the issue is that you are now even more upset because your motivation behind the RA may have been to give him a dose of his own medicine. Unfortunately, that backfired. You now lost all credibility with him and, in his mind, his justifications/rationalizations of why he should have left in the first place just became stronger. It hurts that much more because it's one more way that he can reject you.
I understand the motivation. I do. I also understand why it hurts that much more now that he's dismissed your actions and doesn't seem to really care. What you need to figure out is why you chose to lower yourself just to try to get at him. Figure out why it has been so hard for you to separate him from your worth and value as a woman and a mom. You're worth way more than anything that he says or thinks. That's where you need to start.
Was it an exit A? Whether it was or not, why haven't you started D? (From what you say, your M is over. If you end it formally, you'll be free to make a life, either on your own or with someone else.)
Being betrayed by your spouse thru infidelity and deceit is crazy making stuff and the BS may react in unexpected ways esp if their WS is unremorseful and continues the deceit.