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Newest Member: WishingINeverLooked

Divorce/Separation :
Healing happens

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 imwideawake (original poster member #23386) posted at 1:09 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014

I'm healed, my kids have healed. It took 5 yrs, but it happened. Yes, there are still scars and I'm sad sometimes. But I am probably 98% recovered. That last 2% may never come and I'm ok with that.

It was rough, let me tell you. I homeschooled my kids and my xwh was/is still a massage therapist who had an at home office as well as worked for a doctor. He had a two yr affair with a client who came to our house weekly. She received free massage (and sex when we weren't home) for two years. When I found out (because she called) it almost killed me. All the heart wrenching pain you all know too well. The fact it happened in my house, under my nose and my kids... Well, I was destroyed and my kids suffered greatly.

To cope with the pain, I started riding a bicycle. It helped so much. Found a therapist, tried hypnotherapy. Just kept trying things. I let myself feel all the pain and eventually things got better. Now I work at a bike shop ( after 18 yrs as a SAHM and am opening my own next year). My kids are in school and thriving. I sometimes cry joyful tears when I see how far we've come. All I ever wanted was a good relationship with my family, close loving bonds. I thought he robbed me of that, but he didn't. We, my girls and I are back where we were before he destroyed it all. I made some mistakes along the way, but I've owned them and acknowledged them to my children and we are all ok.

Be patient with yourself. Let yourself feel all the pain. You can't heal what you don't feel. Slowly, you recover.

And thank you SI friends for all your support!

[This message edited by imwideawake at 7:32 AM, March 20th (Thursday)]

Together 21 years.
Married 19
Me: BW
Him XWH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now grown
Divorced 12/04/12

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2009   ·   location: currently in school getting my degree
id 6729552
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soveryweary ( member #32265) posted at 1:21 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014

Bless you for posting this.

May you continue to enjoy your happy life! :0)

Divorced 1/3/14 after 31 years of marriage.

posts: 646   ·   registered: May. 25th, 2011
id 6729555
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Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 1:31 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014

On top of it all, you're just a really cool person.

I'm so glad that you've reached this point.

I feel like my wxh is just a footnote in the life of Williesmom.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 6729565
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cantaccept ( member #37451) posted at 2:10 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014

Thank you so much for posting this. I really needed to read this today.

Leaving for 1st court appearance in 5 minutes and my gut is screaming.

I know it's the right path, the only path but it still hurts like hell.

You showed me there is hope. Thank you.

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 6729598
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nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 2:36 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014

Good stuff. I never get tired of reading posts like this.

Me - happy!
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

posts: 4401   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2011   ·   location: MA
id 6729621
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damnUnicorns ( member #42691) posted at 2:48 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014

I'm glad to read you are doing so well. It's inspirational & I'm hoping someday I can say the same.

It's hard to see it now... in the thick of it. But I'm going to remember this post & work towards that healing.

To continued success! Cheers!

Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

posts: 121   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2014   ·   location: CA
id 6729639
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Must Survive ( member #34533) posted at 2:59 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014

Thank you Imwideawake.

I needed to see this.

Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen

posts: 1066   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2012   ·   location: Must Survive
id 6729660
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dmari ( member #37215) posted at 6:37 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014

Thank you so much for posting! I still wish we had a sticky thread (is that what you call them?) with post-divorce stories such as yours. I think it would be so helpful and give all of us hope.

So happy for you and your children!!

posts: 2868   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2012
id 6729947
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MadeOfScars ( member #42231) posted at 6:42 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014

Thank you for posting this, and I am truly happy that you are truly happy!

Be patient with yourself. Let yourself feel all the pain. You can't heal what you don't feel. Slowly, you recover.

Great advice!

"Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t." - Steve Maraboli

posts: 3219   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Texas
id 6729956
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