I'm healed, my kids have healed. It took 5 yrs, but it happened. Yes, there are still scars and I'm sad sometimes. But I am probably 98% recovered. That last 2% may never come and I'm ok with that.
It was rough, let me tell you. I homeschooled my kids and my xwh was/is still a massage therapist who had an at home office as well as worked for a doctor. He had a two yr affair with a client who came to our house weekly. She received free massage (and sex when we weren't home) for two years. When I found out (because she called) it almost killed me. All the heart wrenching pain you all know too well. The fact it happened in my house, under my nose and my kids... Well, I was destroyed and my kids suffered greatly.
To cope with the pain, I started riding a bicycle. It helped so much. Found a therapist, tried hypnotherapy. Just kept trying things. I let myself feel all the pain and eventually things got better. Now I work at a bike shop ( after 18 yrs as a SAHM and am opening my own next year). My kids are in school and thriving. I sometimes cry joyful tears when I see how far we've come. All I ever wanted was a good relationship with my family, close loving bonds. I thought he robbed me of that, but he didn't. We, my girls and I are back where we were before he destroyed it all. I made some mistakes along the way, but I've owned them and acknowledged them to my children and we are all ok.
Be patient with yourself. Let yourself feel all the pain. You can't heal what you don't feel. Slowly, you recover.
And thank you SI friends for all your support!
[This message edited by imwideawake at 7:32 AM, March 20th (Thursday)]