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freeatlast72 posted 3/20/2014 09:22 AM

Has anyone else heard WH say that the OW was the "catalyst" to helping him find happiness and true love. This is what WH said to me several times..."OW was the catalyst for making a change in the marriage, I am unhappy and I feel like I am not living my life"-- really can WH ever take any responsibility for his actions?!?

I really like his justification for cheating and having an affair....NOT! Excuses, Excuses.

7yrsflushed posted 3/20/2014 09:28 AM

OW was the catalyst for making a change in the marriage, I am unhappy and I feel like I am not living my life"-- really can WH ever take any responsibility for his actions?!?
Yep, stbxww said the OM helped her realize she wasn't happy and not living her life. Many BS's here something similar and you are right it is just a lame excuse. If they weren't happy they always had the option to do just about anything other than cheat.

In my case stbxww's A was the catalyst to me filing for D and moving on and realizing that I am happy with life and living my life much better without the dead weight of an unremorseful WS around holding me back.

damnUnicorns posted 3/20/2014 09:28 AM

Mine hasn't said it DIRECTLY like that, but that's the gist. He's not leaving me FOR her... but she helped him realize there's "a better, happier life" out there for him.

sparkysable posted 3/20/2014 09:56 AM

Just remember, reality is different in fantasyland.

Dreamboat posted 3/20/2014 09:58 AM

Mine said that OW "brought him back to his roots". I said "WTF does that even mean??"

Unremorseful WS say the dumbest things

kg201 posted 3/20/2014 10:53 AM

Yup. She is able now to live an "authentic life." She even bought books on the subject. Those must be put out by the same folks who publish "Infidelity for Dummies."

freeatlast72 posted 3/20/2014 11:09 AM

WH also said they are "soulmates" and can be himself around her...really, we have been married 15 years and you are going to someone you have know for 3 months and out of OW's husband's mouth that she is an alcoholic-- wow! WH can deal with that from now on!

I guess we can't rationalize irrational behavior!

Lola2kids posted 3/20/2014 11:47 AM

He did say that "she makes me feel like I'm 22 again. She makes me feel like a man."

Same thing I think.
She has brought out the inner child in him when really he never grew up in the first place.

Dreamboat posted 3/20/2014 11:49 AM

She is able now to live an "authentic life."

And she only had to lie and cheat to be able to achieve that "authentic life"...another wtf moment brought to you by an unremorseful WS!

kg201 posted 3/20/2014 11:59 AM

Yup. A few WTF moments have come my way since DDay. But they are now rolling over me like a wave in the Bahamas.

dmari posted 3/20/2014 12:31 PM

"catalyst"
If my stbx said this word, I would 1. faint 2. get back up 3. ask him to spell it 4. laugh my fat ass off

My stbx don't know dem biig words so he basically stuck to the stupid WS script "I deserve to be happy". And to answer your question, no ~ they can NEVER take responsibility for their actions. Doing so would require them to admit they were ... gasp ... selfish, cowardly and wrong.

SBB posted 3/20/2014 13:13 PM

"I deserve to be happy".

There really is a Cheaters Handbook - I got this too, word for word.

I certainly know DD was a 'catalyst' to me finding happiness.

Two articles that were HUGE lightbulb moments for me:

She's Special: http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/a-vain-fantasy-his-one-true-love-the-exception-that-confirms-the-rule/

Romantic Infidelity: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/beyond-betrayal-life-after-infidelity

As someone's tag line says here: Fidelity is not a feeling, it's a choice.

They have to make the AP their soulmate/schmoopie because otherwise they are just pathetic monsters in their own mind too, not just ours.

DDOW dumped the sad clown a few weeks after DD. He now says this shit about OWUmpteen. Love? No - just a parasites new host.

The right thing to do when you find yourself on that slippery slope is to work at fixing it or divorcing - not lying/cheating for as long as you can get away with it.

There's a line in an Adele song I've only recently noticed - it is a better explanation than 'catalyst': "Throw your soul through every open door".

RyeBread posted 3/20/2014 14:46 PM

In my case stbxww's A was the catalyst to me filing for D and moving on and realizing that I am happy with life and living my life much better without the dead weight of an unremorseful WS around holding me back.

And that is how you make lemonade my friends. 7yrsflushed for the win!

Jennifer99 posted 3/20/2014 14:59 PM

I want to take everything in this thread and save it forever.

Just EXACTLY ALL THIS!

Perfect.

If I wasn't at work I'd be standing up shouting hallelujah!

Klove posted 3/20/2014 17:15 PM

Loving this!!!
Mine was: She made me feel good. I trust her.

Really? You know she cheated on her stbxh too, right?
Morons.
All of 'em.

Yeah she was such a STRONG catalyst that you didn't have the balls to divorce me the first time you were caught...put me through almost 2 yrs of false R.
Moron.

Ugh.

Vulcanized posted 3/20/2014 18:25 PM

can WH ever take any responsibility for his actions?!?

In many cases, no. But there are the rare few that actually do.

As for the catalyst, it's S.O.P. cheaters manual. My XH: OW makes me happy (XH has absolutely no control of his own happiness ). Ergo: W makes me UNhappy.

XH was so happy w/OW he brought her around for months, yet didn't introduce her, denied being w/her, etc.

damncutekitty posted 3/20/2014 19:47 PM

"I deserve to be happy"

I hate this expression. My XH used to say that to me. I was like, what about me? Don't I deserve happiness? Why do I have to pay for your supposed happiness with my suffering?

westgirl posted 3/20/2014 20:29 PM

She is able now to live an "authentic life."

I am convinced that these folks are drinking some funky Koolaid that allows them to not really understand what they have done. It's too bad all of us have the reality punch to drink.

WestMonroe91 posted 3/20/2014 21:54 PM

WW was seeing OM who is married with young kids. They were originally an item in college back in 1983. When she confessed, I found out that he told her that he had no intention to leave his wife and kids.
Anyway one of the things she told me was that they "connected." Another time she said to me that "remember this was all your fault."
When I revealed everything to her twin sister, the sis said that WW is a fool because OM is just telling her what she wants to hear since he is getting it for free with no committment.

freeatlast72 posted 3/21/2014 07:53 AM

Another time she said to me that "remember this was all your fault."

They just DO NOT GET IT. WH keeps blaming me for his cheating, I am what caused it...really?? I was in the same marriage as you and I did not go out and sleep around. The first time I heard I love you, but am not in love with you was when he was well into the affair.

"Our marriage became a friendship" he used this one too AFTER he met OW, who also pretended to be my friend.

[This message edited by freeatlast72 at 7:55 AM, March 21st (Friday)]

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