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Newest Member: trishl (61116)

User Topic: Really? Holly Cow!
♂ 42802
Member # 42802
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

12/26/13 caught her taking a picture of herself (private body part) and sending it to someone. She didn't know I saw it. 12/30/13 I confronted her with what I saw. TT starts. Lies, believe it or not!
Finally, on 1/16/14 I get, what I now believe is the truth. An EA with her boss developed into sexting, exchanging pics, near daily phone calls going to and from work, texting like a 14 yr old girl, and PA for at least 2 1/2 years of it. 4 overnights that she admitted to (told be she was going shopping out of town with a friend each time).
Most of the PA took place in the backseat of my car at least once a month. Needless to say that car is now gone!
Funny thing is (or maybe not so funny) we had from the outside the eviable marriage. "You guys have it all!"
I admit I have some fault in any relationship problems. I've been too into porn for a few years which upset her, and my job keep me from home for 12-15 hours a day for the past few years. Took job out of town but didn't relocate until recently so I drove daily. Doesn't excuse her great choices, but didn't help the relationship either.
And the roller coaster began....MC, IC for both. R hopefully, but honestly, we'll see.

Me: BS 49
Her: WW 49
2 children 21, 26
DD#1 12/30/13
DD#2. 01/13/14
Married 29 yrs together 33 yrs
EA 4yrs PA 2.5 yrs with co-worker/boss

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Midwest
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish you luck in your journey toward R. I don't know how your WW is feeling or what she's saying these days, but if she's quit the job, established NC with the OM, is giving you total transparency, and is showing signs of remorse, those are all good things.

At this point, you're pretty new to the game. It will definitely be a roller coaster with all sorts of feelings and thoughts that will crop up at all times of the day or night. For that, hang on tight.

Just know that you didn't force her to cheat and to keep an A going right under your nose for more than 2 years. If there were problems - and there are in every marriage - she had the choice to come talk to you. She had the choice to try to convince you that it was bad enough that you needed MC or else she was going to end it. She had the choice to just leave. She had a million choices of a million different ways to go about handling her personal business, but she chose the worst possible option.

I didn't get the chance to R. But, I've been around these boards long enough to know that this is a process that is going to take a long, long time to move through. They don't say the recovery time is 2 to 5 years for nothing.

For now, commit to IC and MC and see where things go. If you find that you can rebuild your M and find true R, that's fantastic. If you find that you just can't do it and that her A turns out to be a deal breaker, that's okay too. You're in control and you now get to have some say so in where this marriage goes.

Take your time, take care of yourself, and keep coming here. No matter what, SI makes you feel confident that you are not alone in this mess.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 3871 | Registered: Jan 2011
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since you have a duplicate thread in JFO that is active, please use that one.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 210060 | Registered: May 2002
Topic Posts: 3

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