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Questions about D vs. S

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libertyrocks posted 3/20/2014 14:39 PM

So, I was going to sell my wedding ring to afford a D lawyer. But, then a friend told me I could file my own D papers. STWXH and I are not fighting over anything. All I want is a D, so I can marry later and change my last name. And, I want full custody. HE wants S so he doesn't have to put himself as D on prospective job applications, which translates to me, that he needs my medical benefits.

So, how easy is it to D?? I mean with absolutely no problems? He's okay with me asking for full custody, but I agreed not to ask for spousal support. He gives me enough to pay his own bills (under my name) and I am happy with that.

So, again, how easy is it to D with no problems? We have no property or assets. Just debt under my name, but I don't care. All I care about are having full custody of the boys.

Also, what't the major difference between D and S??

Phoenix1 posted 3/20/2014 15:04 PM

It all depends on the laws of your state (every state is different). Some recognize legal separation, some do not. Some will allow a simple dissolution (uncontested divorce), some will not.

My state recognizes both legal separation and dissolution, both of which can be done without attorneys very easily. We considered legal separation, which would prevent any future marriage by either of us because you are still legally married (though you are no longer legally tied to future incurred debt/assets), but we opted for dissolution. I received 100% legal/physical custody and we followed the state guidelines for CS. We had agreed amicably on the distribution of assets/debts. All assets/debts must be equitably distributed as the final agreement must be approved by the judge. If he/she feels there is anything "inequitable," they will not approve it. We have a 30 day waiting period once filed, then its over.

Don't think you don't have "assets." Everything you own that was acquired during the marriage is a marital asset (think household furniture/goods, vehicles, any checking/savings accounts, retirement accounts, etc.). Everything must be equitably distributed.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 3:05 PM, March 20th (Thursday)]

thenon-goddess posted 3/20/2014 15:17 PM

If you seperate, as you noted, he can remain on your insurance. It benefits him.
If you you D he gets to face a few consequences, such as sucking it up and finding his own insurance.
Im not sure why you would be okay with him keeping bills in your name. He needs to be a big boy and go get his own phone and whatever else the bills may be. If
You guys are married, your bills in your name are both of your responsibility.
BTW, you can read my thread titled "taxes" and see how the amicable separation/divorce will likely play out. I have read so many posts where experienced members advised to not take the spouses word on anything (letting you have custody, a house, etc) and that is totally turning out to be true for me. My WH promised me the moon for the year we've been separated and now that the D is finally going ahead he is going back on *everything* he said. Do not trust him - he is not your friend. He's looking to cover his ass.

SBB posted 3/20/2014 18:47 PM

^^ what she said.

No handshake agreements with someone proven to have no honour.

I would sell the ring and hire a lawyer - IMO it is a False Economy to DIY this stuff especially with someone untrustworthy.

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