Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: fareast (61555)

User Topic: Surreal feelings
♀ 42257
Member # 42257
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My papers have been drawn up by the lawyer, I just need to review and approve/make any changes.

I have this weird guilt feeling that he is going to be surprised and hurt even though he's not followed through with any actions to match his words of wanting to fix our marriage. He just asks me to go to dinner several times the last week, but I've told him no because I know he still sees OW.

I know it's the right thing to do, it's just hard because I want to believe what he says even though I've given him months to follow through and end the affair.

Is this normal? This would almost be easier if he just said he chose her instead of saying one thing and doing another.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's funny, isn't it? Those of us who did nothing wrong are filled with guilt. I'm feeling it too.

Me: 1970
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?

Married Aug/95
DDay Nov/12
Separated Mar/13
Finally divorced Jul/17

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3623 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is normal.

It's because we truly did believe our vows. It feels wrong to finish the relationship we said would be for life.

And not to sound legalistic but it's not our breach of contract. We're off the hook after infidelity in most religious/moralistic practices, and we were never on a permanent hook legally in the first place in most of the Western World for any reason.

In fact, what you're doing is what he should have done if he had had the guts to finish one relationship before starting another.

Trying to have the cake and eat it too (which is what they do when they say one thing but do another) is worse, and should actually remove the guilt. In my STBXWW case, she can go find OM and ask him for money now if she's running low I will pay my monthlies to her on time because that's my moral character, but not a penny more. If she wants something sentimental, she better change and make it verifiable first, then we can talk about how to rebuild trust.

@Pass: Love your rock bottom tagline.

Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
XBH and healing. D final March 2016
Her: Doesn't matter anymore.
DS13 Severe SN. DD11 Awesome

Posts: 1012 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's normal for some, not for all.
The process server that will be serving my STBXH with the D papers (boy is he gonna be surprised), is also a PI.
If I had the money, I would definitely pay extra to get the video footage of his face when he is served. I'm positive that he has told Shrek he cannot D me (covenant marriage), and I will NEVER D him. Won't that be lovely to see him explain why he can't M her after he is served with D papers!!!

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 4390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 42337
Member # 42337
Default  Posted: 3:40 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am having the same guilt feelings--I think saWH *thinks* he is following through with trying to save the marriage because he's not acting out since dday, and because things are amicable right now BUT I gave him a list of three hings that would show me he was remorseful (one of them being to get rid of the smartphone) and he hasn't done them. So, to me, it's pretty simple that he's not compliant. As soon as I initiate, though, I'm sure he will be furious and feel betrayed (ironically enough:/).

I don't know what the answer is, though, to make the guilt go away:(.

Me, 30. SAXWH, 32.
D-day 1/24/14, TT over the next month (and I'm sure I still don't have the full story. Guess it doesn't matter.)
3 boys under 8.
Together 12 yrs, married 2. Divorced August 2014.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 5

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.