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Surreal feelings

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Nomorestrength posted 3/20/2014 17:16 PM

My papers have been drawn up by the lawyer, I just need to review and approve/make any changes.

I have this weird guilt feeling that he is going to be surprised and hurt even though he's not followed through with any actions to match his words of wanting to fix our marriage. He just asks me to go to dinner several times the last week, but I've told him no because I know he still sees OW.

I know it's the right thing to do, it's just hard because I want to believe what he says even though I've given him months to follow through and end the affair.

Is this normal? This would almost be easier if he just said he chose her instead of saying one thing and doing another.

Pass posted 3/20/2014 18:06 PM

It's funny, isn't it? Those of us who did nothing wrong are filled with guilt. I'm feeling it too.

GotPlayed posted 3/20/2014 18:23 PM

This is normal.

It's because we truly did believe our vows. It feels wrong to finish the relationship we said would be for life.

And not to sound legalistic but it's not our breach of contract. We're off the hook after infidelity in most religious/moralistic practices, and we were never on a permanent hook legally in the first place in most of the Western World for any reason.

In fact, what you're doing is what he should have done if he had had the guts to finish one relationship before starting another.

Trying to have the cake and eat it too (which is what they do when they say one thing but do another) is worse, and should actually remove the guilt. In my STBXWW case, she can go find OM and ask him for money now if she's running low I will pay my monthlies to her on time because that's my moral character, but not a penny more. If she wants something sentimental, she better change and make it verifiable first, then we can talk about how to rebuild trust.

@Pass: Love your rock bottom tagline.

StillLivin posted 3/23/2014 23:30 PM

It's normal for some, not for all.
The process server that will be serving my STBXH with the D papers (boy is he gonna be surprised), is also a PI.
If I had the money, I would definitely pay extra to get the video footage of his face when he is served. I'm positive that he has told Shrek he cannot D me (covenant marriage), and I will NEVER D him. Won't that be lovely to see him explain why he can't M her after he is served with D papers!!!

pepper77 posted 3/24/2014 03:40 AM

I am having the same guilt feelings--I think saWH *thinks* he is following through with trying to save the marriage because he's not acting out since dday, and because things are amicable right now BUT I gave him a list of three hings that would show me he was remorseful (one of them being to get rid of the smartphone) and he hasn't done them. So, to me, it's pretty simple that he's not compliant. As soon as I initiate, though, I'm sure he will be furious and feel betrayed (ironically enough:/).

I don't know what the answer is, though, to make the guilt go away:(.

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