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Finally a good MC!!!

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stupidgurl posted 3/20/2014 19:54 PM

My H and I have been out of MC for a while because we had not found very good therapists in the past.

Well yesterday we went in for a consult with a MC we had been just waiting, over a year to see. I can see why he had such a long waiting list.

IMO he was great, he was not about picking sides, he did not jump to the "juicy stuff" he started from our beginnings, where we come from, who we are, what has shaped us. But the great thing was that he not only paid attention to what we said but to how we interacted, and how we reacted when answering our questions. I thought this was great because my H is not the kind of guy to reveal his emotions verbally. It feels like he is actually interested in what we feel rather than what we ought to feel if that makes sense??

For ex my H is going to BIL's tomorrow, and I always have suspected BIL's wife of trying to set up my H with her friends, also she talks shit about people when they are not there, so I was upset that he got invited without me as we just had a big blow up/family meeting in which me and her had direct conflict. Anyways, so I was upset he is going, and so we discussed it there, and what happened blew me away. He told me that based on my body language/expressions/words I really feel that I am afraid of losing him, and he was right! I just could not express it and H could not interpret it. So my H said he would be back body, mind, heart everything and that in fact his heart and mind were not even going to leave me.

*like magic* I felt better about him going, I still don't like BIL and wife but I trust H more on this one visit. So H is happy cuz he gets to go, I am happy cuz someone gets me...

I would like to hear more positive MC stories, because it is really sad to hear that at MC sessions it is just a bash on one person and not an effort to really get to the heart of the problems and help resolve them.

OakStreet posted 3/20/2014 20:05 PM

I also just had my first constructive MC session. We had been going for a few months, but - you're right - there was a lot of "bashing" - me for my husband's betrayal and WH was just so angry (about a lot of things), I think he was still 'foggy'.

Anyway, my husband saw this counselor alone a few times before I joined in. The counselor warned I might feel he had bonded with WH. I told him no worries, if I thought he was siding with WH, we would look for a new counselor.

I had given my WH the book "How to Help Your Spouse Heal" the week before and what a difference! It was the first time I felt he sincerely apologized and it was obvious the counselor thought so too! Although we still have a ways to go, I am encouraged. We are planning a "getaway" for May.

Good luck in your journey!

stupidgurl posted 3/20/2014 23:10 PM

That is so great that he apologized, sometimes people are so caught up in their shame or anger they don't realize that real sincere apologies go a long way, no it doesn't make it go away but it does help the healing process. I am proud of him for that. I am happy that there are at least two great MC's out there because they are desperately needed!

Also you are so good to understand the things he was saying were due to the fog, he is probably finally sincere because once that fog lifts the reality that you have been hurting the love of your life is a real punch in the gut. I am glad his fog is over :)

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