Topic: Weird habits he had
Member # 37656
| Posted: 11:27 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014|
Okay, admittedly this is a strange post. But I got to thinking about the morning routine he went through and was wondering if other cheating spouses do the same thing - if it's part of the NPD. Plus, it's something that I do NOT miss
In the shower, he'd shave twice. Very particular about the body wash he used and anti-dandruff shampoo. Then, when he was out of the shower, shave again, trim nose and ear hairs and the back of his neck. Moisturize body with one lotion, face with a second lotion, hands with a third lotion and his feet with a fourth. Trim nails. Apply anti-fungal to toe nails. Brush teeth. Apply Brylcreem to hair and comb. Antiseptic wash on genitals. Powder between his butt cheeks. Go to closet to pick out the day's outfit. Change ties. Admire self in mirror the entire time. I bought more creams and lotions for him than I did for myself and he took twice as long to get ready as I did.
Then had to have coffee with 4 packets of equal and a splash of milk.
I no longer have to wait for him to finish in the bathroom and no weird butt powder marks left on the furniture!
[This message edited by Dawn58 at 11:28 PM, March 20th (Thursday)]
I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.
Posts: 491 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Member # 42777
| Posted: 12:11 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
High maintenance guy. Someone who took care of himself, but never heard of half the stuff. Everyone has routines and ways to prep for the stresses of the day. That was his. You didn't respect it and found it annoying. I'm sure there were things he found irritating also. Every marriage has that. Mine used to get angry if I didn't wash my face with a wash cloth. Yes angry or visibly annoyed and complain. Why? I got irritated she stunk like ass because she didn't wash some places and wouldn't brush her teeth at night. It's part of a give and take in healthy marriages. In bad ones, it gets in the way.
[This message edited by Caretaker1 at 12:14 AM, March 21st (Friday)]
Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 22870
| Posted: 8:51 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
My wxh was also high maintenance in getting ready. It used to drive me nuts because he was never on time for anything.
If you know that it takes you forever to get beautiful, you give yourself enough time to not be late.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 9000 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 20954
| Posted: 11:06 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
Sounds both NPD and OCD to me. Quite a combination.
Posts: 750 | Registered: Sep 2008
Member # 16935
| Posted: 12:12 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
Antiseptic wash on genitals
Posts: 2053 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 33226
| Posted: 12:15 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Posts: 38693 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 32789
| Posted: 12:20 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
X used to shower every morning.
He probably had a ritual but I didn't really notice. I used to leave for work before he even got up.
The weird thing he did do was wear the same clothes everyday including the underwear.
He thought that since he showered every day this was ok.
Apparently it didn't occur to him that he sweats.
He used to only change the clothes if they failed the sniff test.
I used to take his underwear and put them in the hamper or wash them whenever I could.
He complained that they didn't feel "worn in" if I washed them.
Hated to buy new underwear also. He had some that were barely 2 threads hangin off a waist band.
After Dday he bought some of those boy cut tight undies that make the package look weird.
Kind of all compact and up front.
I suspect MOW suggested them.
That and the cologne he started to wear.
At least it covered the dirty underwear smell.
He was and is disgusting.
The things we put up with.
BS: (Me) 48
Kids: twins DD(11)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved an ocean away June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"
Posts: 1813 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 30742
| Posted: 1:11 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
Wouldn't antispetic hurt? Just saying...
xh would sound like he was throwing up when he brushed his teeth. I never said anything but DDs told their dad that they were royally grossed out.
The ones that put me over the edge on a regular basis:
- Biting off a piece of his fingernail and cleaning his teeth with it when no toothpick was available.
- Using the cap of a pen or a key to clean his ears.
- Pulling on his ingrown hair until the skin was bloody while driving or alternatively picking his nose.
I am sure I did stuff too that annoyed him. Just thought I share...
[This message edited by fraeuken at 1:11 PM, March 21st (Friday)]
Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.
Posts: 1306 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Member # 33128
| Posted: 1:44 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
DD 21 and DS 16
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
Posts: 2944 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 42092
| Posted: 2:51 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
Hm! This resonate with me for aure. I think my ex is somewhere in the NPD vicinity and his morning routine was sooooo much longer than mine. When I looked at the NPD traits and saw vanity it really clicked. His hair took this whole blow-drying and gelling and combing routine. As a woman I am super low maintenance unless I'm getting ready for a wedding or something (his prep time, like your WH's, far exceeded mine), and I found/find the excessive attention to appearances and looks really off-putting. But of course his need to feel good about himself in superficial external ways has few competitors!
Sit. Feast on your life.
Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
|Sad in AZ|
Member # 24239
| Posted: 2:55 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
You have to be aware that not all cheating spouses are NPD. Also, I don't think weird habits are indicative of cheaters. It is nice that you found the silver lining in his leaving (weird butt powder marks
The only problem I had with the X's behavior was not a habit. It was his snoring, which could awaken the dead.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Posts: 24447 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Southern New Mexico
Member # 15584
| Posted: 4:08 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
My XH didn't have any of these weird habits. Only thing that comes close is that he loved to take baths and he wanted me to sit in the bathroom while he did. This is when we talked about his day and whatever else was going on.
Failure is success if we learn from it.
3 boys: 10.5 years, 9 years, and 7 months
Posts: 4647 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Member # 3903
| Posted: 5:31 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014|
Ever see the movie American Psycho with Christian Bale? It sounds like the same routine. Warning it is a disturbing movie.
There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.
Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2004
Member # 39166
| Posted: 4:50 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014|
Nah,The Arse didn't shower or shave everyday, let alone twice
Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning
Posts: 1629 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Member # 34543
| Posted: 9:38 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014|
I don't think this qualifies for this thread, but my ex is a horrible dancer. Don't get me wrong - I'm of the "dance like no one is watching" credo - but he thought he looked sexy as hell. Even when I was deepest in love with him, I couldn't look at him for too long when we danced. I have never said a word to him about it, even now.
When my friend heard about one of his APs, she said, "She went dancing with him and she STILL slept with him?" Made me laugh!!!
D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12
Posts: 710 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Member # 36714
| Posted: 6:35 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014|
hmm.. maybe he was trying to look is best in all the nooks and crannies in case he saw an unsuspectin woman with low self esteem that day? Maybe he thought constantly drowning his junk in antiseptic would protect him from stds?
Sounds obsessive, regardless.
Mine showed a few NPD traits... but vanity was an interesting one in his case. He was always too distracted to take proper care of himself, rarely bothered to shower of his own volition. He did it because he had to for work, or to make me happy because I requested it.
However, he was constantly whining about his looks. It was always something he was really insecure about.
In his final throes of crazy... He deeply, passionately hated to the point of obsession that women did not treat him the way men treat a highly made up, primped, pampered, airbrushed, carefully scantilly clad college aged woman. He was raging, screaming at the top of his lungs angry about the injustice of this. I know, because he screamed about it a lot at the tops of his lungs and threw tantrums from time to time.
He went from mopey and insecure to this... Tragic, really.
Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
|Topic Posts: 16|