I broke NC big time. My ex was out of state and my DD had a big soccer tournament. He texted a few times asking how the tournament was going, and I did not keep it all business. The funny little messages went back and forth. And again the next day. And the next. Until I felt sucked back in, with those thoughts creeping and seeping in...you know what I mean?
So I went to the next step down the rabbit hole and look at his phone records (I haven't done it or even thought about it in a long time, which was big for me). There it is: texts between me, texts between exAP, texts between me, texts betweeen exAP. He's just keeping a finger on his exes, I guess.
I feel kind of dirty and very mad at myself. Disappointed that I could let myself be so foolish and give him those ego kibbles. It must have felt pretty good for him to have both of us sending him texts at the same time.
Once again, taking a deep breath and trying to let it go. Some day I really will "go down a different street" with no hole for me to fall in.