SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

careerlady posted 3/21/2014 03:42 AM

Right now someone else is with my husband. There are like 4 OWs and I shouldn't want any part of it but I can't kick that feeling that he's supposed to be MINE. We used to play video games together and talk although planning to D. This next stage is harder on me than I thought. I came home and relived the nanny a little while ago and he's not here. He'll probably be out all night. I didn't expect to care so much. Part of me is screaming "quick take him back so he won't be with those other women anymore!" But even if I did he would still be with them. That's why we are divorcing

Right now I can't stop worrying about DS. Seems like he won't get evaluated until May. I'm obsessed with researching things to help him talk.

Right now I'm tired of spending all day at work with people telling me how pretty or smart or nice I am. Because it didn't stop me from being cheated on. Nothing was ever good enough to save my family

Right now I want to cry myself to sleep again but I'm so sick of that

Right now I'm feeling sorry for myself. Sorry. Off to find an encouraging thread so I can sleep....

imwideawake posted 3/21/2014 03:52 AM

I remember this stage. Even though I knew I couldn't t be married to him any longer, I didn't want him to move on. The thought of him with someone else was really painful. friday nights were the worst, so I joined an adult co-ed soccer league. That got me from sitting around worrying about what he was doing, on those nights at least. It was tough, I held on in certain ways, while pushing through with the divorce process. All I can say is it gets better. It gets easier. I've been separated for 2 & 1/2 years and divorced for 1. I've reached indifference and I don't care what he is up to. You will get there.

[This message edited by imwideawake at 4:18 AM, March 21st (Friday)]

RedWheelBarrow posted 3/21/2014 04:07 AM

I think it's important to allow the sadness in, to give it a voice, to look at it carefully.
Grief has a path. And maybe there's a shortcut, but I haven't found it yet.
I allow myself this indulgence - crying until I am feeling more spent, crying because I cannot change what has happened. It's important to have these "tears of futility" as Gordon Neufeld calls it.
I still feel this way sometimes - knowing Rockstar is with her, and him also knowing how much he hurt me, yet still moving ahead with this deceitful life of his.
((hugs))

Caretaker1 posted 3/21/2014 06:31 AM

Same here. I know it's not right and we are divorcing, but I yearn for a supportive partner. Friday and Saturday nights are the worst as she is out with the kids with him.

Merlin posted 3/21/2014 07:06 AM

Right now, you need to decide that you are better than this.

Right now, you need to decide what you will and won't tolerate.

Right now, you need to take action.

GreatRoleModel posted 3/21/2014 07:13 AM

^^^^^
This what Merlin said...focus on these short phrases that's what you NEED to do.
You are a great and loving mom, don't forget that.
(((hugs)))

freeatlast72 posted 3/21/2014 07:42 AM

I feel like this too....for me Sat nights are the worst, since WH has DD6 on Friday nights so I know he isn't going out then.

I also have to see OW at Tball games and my daughter's school....GRRRR.....

It has gotten better since DDay, but I can't wait until the day of indifference!!

Caretaker1 posted 3/21/2014 07:42 AM

Same here. I know it's not right and we are divorcing, but I yearn for a supportive partner. Friday and Saturday nights are the worst as she is out with the kids with him.

Williesmom posted 3/21/2014 08:55 AM

Keep busy. Find things that you always wanted to do, but never had time.

It gets infinitely better. I am 6 years out from the D, and I've been at indifference for quite a while.

GotPlayed posted 3/21/2014 09:13 AM

((((careerlady))))

Nights alone are indeed the worst. Had a few of those myself. It's the caring too much. I have the kids this weekend and I'm nervous of what she's up to. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. But it's the same question, why do I still care?

Because we took our vows seriously, that's why. But we are no longer beholden to them. This particular feeling is on us now. They don't care so we shouldn't either.

And yes it's hard. My IC keeps insisting I need to let go. WW is on a spiral of self destruction I can't stop. Although it's hard to watch, all I can do is be here for my kids, and the less I worry about her myself the better off the rest of our family will be.

nowiknow23 posted 3/21/2014 10:17 AM

((((careerlady))))

Whalers11 posted 3/21/2014 10:27 AM

I remember those days. It was hell.

I would go online and check to see where he was using his debit card - if it was in his parents' area (another state), I knew he was not with OW. If it was around where we lived, I knew he was with her because he wasn't with me and he had no other friends here. It would devastate me when I saw he was here, with someone else, when he was supposed to be "mine".

Those early days were HELL. The good news is, as time goes on, so do the feelings of caring.

I am 4 years out, and I couldn't give a flying fuck about who he's with, where he's is or what he is doing - as long as he stays far away from me.

You'll get there.

Nature_Girl posted 3/21/2014 10:54 AM

(((HUGS)))

SBB posted 3/21/2014 10:56 AM

Honour your grief my friend - do not be ashamed of it. That he is not deserving of it is not a factor.

The only way through it is through it.

Let it run its natural course - to won't always feel this way, I promise. I didn't believe it when they said it to me but it's true.

I wish I could give you a big warm hug. I remember this stage and it was so hard. So many broken promises - he was now a stranger to me, virtually overnight. It was hard to accept.

But with acceptance came surrender. I am still mourning what never was - it can be confusing sometimes but I've stopped denying my greiving and I'm now embracing it.

You will too - just got to get through some rough parts first.

((CL))