Right now I can't stop worrying about DS. Seems like he won't get evaluated until May. I'm obsessed with researching things to help him talk.
Right now I'm tired of spending all day at work with people telling me how pretty or smart or nice I am. Because it didn't stop me from being cheated on. Nothing was ever good enough to save my family
Right now I want to cry myself to sleep again but I'm so sick of that
Right now I'm feeling sorry for myself. Sorry. Off to find an encouraging thread so I can sleep....
[This message edited by imwideawake at 4:18 AM, March 21st (Friday)]
Right now, you need to decide what you will and won't tolerate.
Right now, you need to take action.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
I also have to see OW at Tball games and my daughter's school....GRRRR.....
It has gotten better since DDay, but I can't wait until the day of indifference!!
You can't rationalize irrational behavior.
It gets infinitely better. I am 6 years out from the D, and I've been at indifference for quite a while.
Nights alone are indeed the worst. Had a few of those myself. It's the caring too much. I have the kids this weekend and I'm nervous of what she's up to. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. But it's the same question, why do I still care?
Because we took our vows seriously, that's why. But we are no longer beholden to them. This particular feeling is on us now. They don't care so we shouldn't either.
And yes it's hard. My IC keeps insisting I need to let go. WW is on a spiral of self destruction I can't stop. Although it's hard to watch, all I can do is be here for my kids, and the less I worry about her myself the better off the rest of our family will be.
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
I would go online and check to see where he was using his debit card - if it was in his parents' area (another state), I knew he was not with OW. If it was around where we lived, I knew he was with her because he wasn't with me and he had no other friends here. It would devastate me when I saw he was here, with someone else, when he was supposed to be "mine".
Those early days were HELL. The good news is, as time goes on, so do the feelings of caring.
I am 4 years out, and I couldn't give a flying fuck about who he's with, where he's is or what he is doing - as long as he stays far away from me.
You'll get there.
I gave you more than I ever got back
You left me here to forget about that
All the things you thought you had have gone
Let that be a lesson to you
-Richie Kotzen, "Special"
The only way through it is through it.
Let it run its natural course - to won't always feel this way, I promise. I didn't believe it when they said it to me but it's true.
I wish I could give you a big warm hug. I remember this stage and it was so hard. So many broken promises - he was now a stranger to me, virtually overnight. It was hard to accept.
But with acceptance came surrender. I am still mourning what never was - it can be confusing sometimes but I've stopped denying my greiving and I'm now embracing it.
You will too - just got to get through some rough parts first.