ME Doing Better
Yesterday while attending a group counseling session I lost my temper and exploded on a young lady. I have always had a bad temper but learned to keep my emotions in check by eating them. Yes, some serious FOO issues that displayed themselves as food issues. I have thought about what was said that made me SO VERY MAD.
The young lady was sitting next to me and made a threatening comment which I rightly perceived as physical violence. Part of her threat was that she is to be feared because she is in anger management.
I was taken aback that she was cray cray enough to even come out of her face like that. Mostly, this person who is young enough to be my daughter said that she was having "a bad day...a lot of stress". Well, the top of my head flew off and I commenced to letting her have it. First, I don not take threats lightly. Secondly, she was having a "bad day...a lot of stress". Bitch, I have had decades of stress! I no longer have anger I have graduated to RAGE.
The threat, any threat coming from another woman is what set me off. How dare you or OW think that I should fear you. Are you better than me in some way? Do you possess some magical powers that can put an evil spell on me? Oh I am so scared that you are going to beat me up. On that note, I'll meet you on the playground at 3:00. Don't be late.
Part of the exercise in the group was to indicate on 2 separate figures (images of 2 bodies were handed out) what emotions people were feeling for that day. Surprisingly, after the encounter, the young lady indicated that although she was under stress she was at peace. On the other hand, both of my drawings showed anger and frustration. I honestly wanted to bash her head into the table and was frustrated that I could not.
IC has helped me to see how I can better handle and channel the emotions that I am feeling. I did not bash her head in nor did I go home and eat. What I did was to excuse myself from the group and call my H and tell him how I was feeling. This was a major break through for me. I would never have told him that I was weak and needed his help. Also, I would never have turned to total strangers and put my s--t out there for you all to comment on.
Have any of you had anger and or rage from the A infiltrate other areas of your life? If so, how have you handled those situations. Come on, give me the not so pretty ones too. Everything is a chance to learn.
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 24 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years
Both feet pointed forward; positive