When it comes to my emotions lately, I can't help but feel like an athlete being carted off the field during the big game. I'm more frustrated by the fact that I can't play than I'm actually hurt.
I haven't shed a tear over Ex-WW in God knows how long. She does things here and there to get my attention or a rise out of me, but I'm genuinely surprised by how little I care. At first I thought that I was lying to myself, and I waited for some type of breakdown to occur days later. Nope. Nothing. It's been this way for months now.
Despite my apathy toward her, I recognize that I still have a lot of scars. I know that it takes time, so I'm not rushing anything. It's just annoying that I really want to get back out there and move on, but I'm on injured reserve right now.
I'm kinda dating someone right now who's in a similar boat. It's slightly amusing, because both of us are so guarded that it's like we're dating through a fence. We've been very open about our trust issues, unwillingness to make anything official, and irrational mood swings toward whatever it is we've got going. I'm learning a lot about my recovery process by watching her go through hers.
I really just wish I could get my head back in the game.
