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Newest Member: Foolfernobody (61825)

User Topic: Has any one ever tried Discernment Counseling?
♂ 38846
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW and I are looking into this. Its apparently short term, with both joint and individual sessions. Its designed to help clarify in the minds of the couple whether to stay together or separate.

Me: BH, 56
Her: WW, 56 5+ yr LTA
Married 34 yrs, 2 DS
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - OBS phone call
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - TT, length of affair 1.5 yrs longer than admitted.
Trying to understand

Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Colorado
♂ 25460
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never heard of this before but given the tone of a lot of posts in recent months , there does seem to be a need for it.

Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO, it doesn't really matter what the counseling is called - the success depends primarily on the skills of the C, the motivations of clients, and the clients' willingness to do the necessary work.

My reading of the article is that they do the same things as MCs do. Maybe - maybe - they pin the clients down WRT their real goals more than most MCs do, which is a very good thing to do, but ....

For example:

"Around 30 percent of the couples coming into marriage counseling are mixed agenda couples," he says. "Divorce is on the table for one of the parties. Traditional marriage counseling has no way to deal with those people. It's been area of frustration for a lot of marriage counselors."

My bet is that D is on the table for very close to 100% of couples hit by cheating, and good old vanilla MC works for many of us. Good MC fails if one or both of the partners lie to each other and/or to the C, but lying will kill 'Discernment Counseling' just as dead.

"It's almost always a good idea to slow it down and look at the marriage from five different angles, including what your own role in it was...."

This is scary - it could mean blaming the BS for the WS's cheating.

'Discernment Counseling' as a new modality sounds like bullshit to me.

More important, though, is that practitioners of 'DC' could be very good, so if you hear of someone who may help you, it makes sense to call, chat a bit, and make an appointment if the C sounds good.

Even though something is marketed with unjustifiable hype, the 'product' being hyped could be very good....

(signed) sisoon, who regularly gets triggered by suspected marketing hype

[This message edited by sisoon at 10:14 AM, March 21st (Friday)]

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17064 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 3

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