I'm 7 months after D-day, the last couple of months have been so much better. When my mind starts to "go there" I try to see a STOP sign and try to redirect my thoughts to another place. There are days when I'm successful at "not" thinking about it, but others when it just consumes me.
My WH is "trying" to change and I expect that he will slip time to time (back into his old selfish patterns) but when I think about the sheer selfishness and deceitfulness of what he did, I question my sanity in going forward. Who wants to be with a man that is so easily capable of having a long term physical & intimate affair with his old lover WHILE treating me like trash. I try not to get on the pity pot when I think of the hardships that I endured during that time and didn't have my husband by my side but off falling in love with another woman.
Sometimes I wonder if the pain would subside if I was out of the relationship? How is somebody suppose to get over this? We have had some beautiful moments together these last few months, but every single day when I'm quiet, I cry. I wake up crying, my nightmares never escape me. I wonder what did I ever do to deserve the life I've been dealt. Or is it just all random and some people just get shit on more than others? I DON'T know what to do, I have NO where to go, NO way to support myself, I'm lost.
Status: We're going to try IC one more time.
you put "trying" in quotes. is he not meeting your needs? do you feel like he's not sincere in his efforts to make permanent changes in himself?
When my mind starts to "go there" I try to see a STOP sign and try to redirect my thoughts to another place. There are days when I'm successful at "not" thinking about it, but others when it just consumes me.
You are staying strong..
If I want to change how I am feeling, then I must change how I am thinking.
If I want to change how my spouse is behaving then, I need to understand the thoughts that are driving their behaviour.
Your H's emotions actions are trying to create the emotions in you... to lead you to the actions that they want. You can only control what YOU do.. sometimes, his wants might not what is best for the relationships. But you had better make sure you look real close at yourself first. And we too must behave, react in the bsst interest of the M. If you know what your values are good and strong, you must stand your ground. Or, your misery will continue and contine.
Sometimes I wonder if the pain would subside if I was out of the relationship?
Stronge is attractive.. Your "STOP" is strong.. feel acomplished with that fact.. STOP is strong.. taking your mind down a path of memories that are unpleasent is weak. Choose to be strong to the best of you ablity. Knowing what you can always have in peace.. eliminating those who always bring you misery from you life...
It is hard.. knowing when to let go.. and knowing when to hang on..
NOBODY deserve to be treated with infidelity. It was not your choice. But live is not always fair.. it is a given in life.. Life is not fair. I accpet that GIVEN. But I learn and leave it for what it was.. a learning experiences about unfairness. All you can now is be most wise,. cahnge to be better and much wiser.
Another given in life.. Everything Changes. People Change. Everything ends. But we can also have a whole bunch of new beginnings when something ends.
[This message edited by trynhard at 12:00 PM, March 21st (Friday)]
Some pain would subside; some would probably get worse. There's absolutely no way to get through this without feeling a LOT of pain, because a LOT of pain comes along automatically with being betrayed.
I think the key is figuring out what you want and, if you want R, figuring out if it's possible.
If you want D, or if R is not possible, my bet is that D will be less painful for you, and attempting to R will be more painful.
But if you really want R, and if R is possible, the less painful course is to go for R.
So...what do you want? Do you really want to R with your H?
I just don't know
I can tell you that every day that goes by provides just a tiny bit more clarity. At a year out things look very different than they did when I was where you are now and I'm sure that this time next year I will see things even clearer.
He thought only of himself for a long time and never considered what it might cost him. Its all about you now. Do whatever feels right for you.