I can't remember what he was mad about, but it was something where he didn't get his way, and he threatened that he wanted her 50/50 physical custody. I think he asked for her for an overnight, and he doesn't get overnights according to our decree.
Luckily for me, and I hope you do this too, but I kept track of every single time he had visitation with my daughter. It showed that he takes her less than he is entitled to. And by less than he's entitled to, I mean average of 1 visit per month.
After speaking with my lawyer, she said that no judge would ever remove custody from a mother and give 50/50 to a father that didn't even use the visitation he was entitled to.
So I waited him out. The court appearance letter never arrived in the mail. I never heard another word about it.
Can you imagine how this conversation would go?
Judge: Mr. Dumbass, why do you think that you should get more custody?
Mr. Dumbass: Well, MichelleRenee would not help me save my home that she awarded me in the divorce.
Judge: Pardon me?
Mr. Dumbass: Yes. And since she would not give me money towards an asset that is not even hers anymore, I want 50/50 custody.
I mean seriously!!
There are compelling reasons to keep it as is, however. The current schedule has been working. And your genius STBX is the one who asked for the current arrangement anyway.
It just isn't logical. I think he's making a knee-jerk, vindictive threat. He knows what you value most, and since you didn't bow to his wishes, he's trying to scare you.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Also, he's got no job? How's he going to afford the lawyer and court fees? Can he afford to support your son for 50% of the time? Is he paying CS? And is he up to date? Did he lose his job because he quit/was fired? - that doesn't go down well with a judge if you can prove it
I know I'd been terrified if that happened to me...but wait until you actually get a summons. Remember,liars lie, so you ignore their words/threats and wait for their actions. If he's a lazy can't be arsed type, chances are he won't get round to it.
But sending you hugs for a horrid situation
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him
Turn your phone off for a while if you need to. He's trying to upset you, and is doing a good job. Shut him down.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
We currently live 1 hour apart. . . . . He's only 9.
First of all I would any judge would be a parent to get a job so that they could help support their child (the only times I could see that not be warranted is in cases where a parent was the stay at home parent). But this 1 hour apart and your child being 9 makes me assume that your son is enrolled in a school. So the judge would still have to look at the hardship of your son with 2 hrs of commuting a day for a 50-50. No judge or school system would support a one week here and another week at a different school.
Now you said your judge is family friendly yet he only awarded your XH 30% of the time. As a father I don't see that as being father friendly. So there must have been a reason for that ruling and I can't believe it was because your XH was working.
Was your XH stupid enough to have corresponded to you in text message or email where you have proof of his declaration to not play nice? Does your XH lose your old home? Does he have a residence? Can he show he can support himself? I understand how you are scared, you need to work with the facts and your lawyer though and see what happens. Your lawyer should be able to size the chances of his success.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
his threats are verbal.
Huge hugs, honey. I know this is terrifying you. Just keep breathing. Deal with what you have right now - a bunch of hot air and threats. ((((MR))))
He won't follow through, especially if he's behind in CS? Even though they are 2 separate issues, they are NOT going to take him away from you and give your DS to him, especially under these circumstances.
He's lashing out at you for something that most likely has nothing to do with you. He wants to engage with you, and he keeps poking. Don't give him a response.
I swear, every time my XWH has a fight with the OW, he tries to stir shit up with me. And he gets crickets every time.
Courts do not like CS liable parents who get themselves fired, do not pay CS and intend to stay unemployed...especially if he is likely to soon be homeless. He will not get an increase in custody
He. Is. Delusional.
He's about to lose his home.
Yet he has the $$$ to take you back to court to get 50/50? Yes he has no money to put a roof over his head (and therefore his kids' heads 50% of the time)?
He's saying this to scare you into helping him wiht the house. Ignore his dumb arse until you see actual documents from a court regarding custody. I'd bet my next paycheck that (as usual)he's just spewing words. No action.
STBX WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Together 7, married 4yrs
Since DDay, he's drunk by 5pm.
Status - F that guy.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
I totally get it. I have been there. Recently as a matter of fact. But thing is, until you get a summons or whatever it is, you need to focus on giving him no air time. Crickets. Do not engage in conversation. If you feel you must, email only! I might be inclined to email him "regarding this matter" and inform him that he got as he asked for in the decree. The house was given to him and is his, and only his responsibility. That you will not tolerate being "verbally abused" on the phone, and due to his behavior in that way, you feel the only way to correspond in a healthy fashion is through email.
Let him respond to that where you have his response in written form and THEN he will really have hung himself. Be polite but firm in your boundaries and remember anything you write will possibly be read by a judge so take care, but it might help to rope him into a written tirade that can be helpful to you should he actually make the attempt to do something with the courts...I think he is totally bluffing to bully you...
..any and all dealings with him give me so much anxiety. i cannot handle this.
So do not deal with him. Do not read his texts or emails, do not take his phone calls. If DS is with you, there is no reason for communication at all. If this weekend is his time with DS, have someone else do the exchange if possible. If stbx complains that he can't get a hold of you, save it as proof that he cannot care for DS for one weekend without help, how does he expect to do 50/50. NO VERBAL COMMUNICATION!!! It will save your sanity.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.